𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄

[𝟑𝟐] 𝐒𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐓𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮

"Can I come in?" She asks. Her tone is soft as she says it and she has this look in her eyes that tells me that she's not certain if I'm alright to talk to yet. I mean, I don't blame her. Not only was our argument rather ugly but I also hold grudges like a child holds onto his mother's leg to shield him from the scary world.

I just nod, not sure if opening my mouth will lead to another dispute.

She pushes the door open a little, coming into the room and shutting the door behind her. I raise an eyebrow at her choice of clothing. She's wearing this long sleeve bodysuit that has some pattern on it as well as a pair of white, high waisted pants and heels that matched her top. {a/n : pic in media btw}

An uncomfortable silence fills the room. And I'm about to comment on her outfit when she says, "So, dad mentioned that you're going to go see bio mom. Well, your bio mom. Not that that's a bad thing! I-"

I laugh, shaking my head. "It's fine. And yeah, I'm going to go see her."

Silence takes over again but this time it's not as uncomfortable. It just feels like I'm in the same room as the girl who told me I'm adopted.

No! Actually?!

This time, I speak up. "Uh, you look... nice. That top looks really nice on you."

She looks down at her shirt, smiling. "It's mom's. I found it in the back of my closet."

"Oh..." Her saying that just made me realize that the only thing I had left of mommy was her wedding ring. The last time I saw her, she hugged me really tight and apologized to me. I never really knew if she meant it because no matter how genuine she seemed, she always had a way to turn things around.

But, despite me knowing that, I still hugged her back. Because she's still my mom. Maybe she didn't shit me out but she still raised me. And taught me who I was.

Yeah, she attempted changing who I was, convincing me that I wasn't going to get anywhere in life when my thighs touched and my arms appeared a tad chubby. But maybe there's more to it.

I didn't even realize that there could've been more to it until I started college. I'm a psych major, so when we began talking about how things can impact the way a person thinks and how they act, I started realizing that maybe mom was doing that for a reason.

Which made me feel like a dick; like I was the one doing something wrong. I guess I just have this weird... habit of turning things around on myself. It kind of feels like I never let myself feel okay.

"Have you talked to mom since..." She trails off, not sure if it was okay to bring up the whole sucky-mom thing.

"Erm... no? I mean, she's called me and stuff but I blocked her after a while. I have voicemails from her but I've never opened them." I shrug, suddenly remembering something. "You know she uh... I turned on my old phone the other day and right when I turned it on, it started ringing. It was mom. And... I really wanted to answer it and tell her how shitty she always made me feel. I wanted her to feel bad for what she put me through, you know?"

Ray nods, coming to sit next to me on the floor. "Yeah, I get that."

"But I just powered it off. I didn't want to deal with that. I still don't want to deal with that. I feel like I just need to put it behind me. It's been years and I'm just tired of putting so much energy into a situation I claim doesn't affect me anymore."

"Yeah..." She turns her head to look at me. "It's okay if it affects you, Gracie. It's okay if it made you feel less. You're a human and the way you feel about everything that's happened to you is just proof of that, yeah? I think you beat yourself up too much over being human."

I nudge her with my shoulder. "Well, I learned it from you so..."

She smacks my shoulder. "Hey! I do not do that."

I shake my head, smiling at her, "You soooo do."

"I got a job today. And then I went to look at a few apartments."

I furrow my eyebrows, "Ray, I didn't mean that I wanted you to move out when we-"

"Yes you did," she interjects, "and that's okay. Because you were right, Grace. I can't live with you forever and if I keep on depending on you I'm never going to learn how to depend on me."

She sighs, "People go away. Alllll the time, and I was thinking about it and it hit me, that if you... suddenly evaporate into thin air. Who am I going to rely on then? Dad's old and Mom's got her shit, right? So, in the end, I'm all I have. And in order to be okay with only having myself in the long run, I need to be on my own and experience things for myself, right?"

"Right." I nod, leaning my head on her shoulder. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you more, Gracie." She kisses the top of my head, wrapping her arm around me. After a few more moments, she stands up, kissing my head one last time. "I have to pack."

"Yeah." I nod.

She opens the door, walking past the threshold and shutting it. I stand up from my spot to pack some toiletries when she opens the door again, peeking her head in.

"And, Grace?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry for telling you."

Before I can say anything, she shuts the door again. And just a few seconds later I hear a distant sound of a door shutting, telling me that she made it to her room.

I'm sorry you told me, too.