𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄

[𝟒𝟎] 𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐛

・𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝟐・

"I still haven't told Sam."

Each of the girl's jaws dropped before my eyes, and I sank into my couch.

"Grace, get out of here." Ellie groaned, running a hand over her face shamefully, as if it were her own doing. I was feeling like shit about it, too.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell him. But every time I thought about it, I imagined him getting mad at me. I told him I could get a Plan B, knowing damn well I wouldn't need one because, at the time, I thought I couldn't get pregnant. I'd be ruining his life if I told him.

"Babe, this has gone on far too long. I mean, you're showing." Annie chimed in as she rubbed the side of my knee to comfort me.

I looked down at my stomach and rubbed my palm over my belly. Annie was right. But I still had time to kill. I just looked like I'd eaten a little too much ice cream, that's all. It was nothing noticeable to anybody who didn't know there was a little thing growing inside me.

"I know," I admitted, chewing the inside of my cheek. "I just- I need time. I gotta finish processing this before I shove a test in his face and say, 'hey, look! Your sperm, my egg, equals growing being in my uterus!'"

Ray snorted, shaking her head at me. "This is serious, Grace."

"Exactly my point," I said seriously. "I don't know if... the baby is going to make it. I don't want to involve him yet until I'm far enough in to know that there's a possibility that this kid is going to... be able to be a kid."

I swallowed hard. "I wouldn't want him to get his hopes up for this. You guys know him-- he'll go out to buy a crib and a stupid carseat-" my voice cracks. "And then I'm going to lose the kid a week later."

"Grace..." Annie whispered sadly, standing to wrap her arms around me as I wiped my eyes.

"I don't want to hurt him." I sighed. "He loves kids, he'll love ours. I know that, but... there's that possibility that I'm not going to be able to successfully carry our kid."

Ray leaned into her crossed legs and toward me, rubbing her palm over my thigh and then my knee. "What's going to happen if you don't tell him, though. You can't go through this alone, you know that, don't you?"

"But I have you guys."

Ellie nodded in agreement to Ray's words as my eyes swept around the room as my eyes fell on each of them. "We love you and all, Grace, but we also have our own lives. And I don't mean it like I'm not going to be there for you but... what if you need one of us especially when it's bad, and we can't be there right that second? We can't drop everything, even if we want to."

"Yeah," Annie agreed. "But Sam would drop everything to be there for you the way we couldn't, Grace."

I heard them, I really did. They all had a point, but that didn't change anything. I still wasn't ready, and no pep talk was going to change that. I needed to accept everything before I put all of this on Sam for him to accept.