Zayd ✔️

12| ᴢᴀʏᴅ

Double update again, don't y'all just love me? Lmao <3

The paper ball hits right on her head that is clad in a dark blue headscarf. She doesn't turn around though.

A weird feeling develops in my chest; I hate how I've been feeling strange these days. Some of the feelings are fucking great, they make me feel like I'm high on drugs.

Some fucking suck. Like the one that I'm feeling right now.

Had she heard?
Of course, dumbass.

She wasn't supposed to hear it. I just wanted the guys away from her. Josh had commented on her, told she was cute despite the headscarf. He has no idea, she's not cute.

Her beauty can't be fucking described in words. She's unique, beautiful in her own way. Not just the enticing green eyes that can make you forget your pain. Not just the cute nose that makes you want to kiss it over and over again. Not just her radiant smile that could light up the whole fucking universe.

Then River fueled the fire inside me by telling everyone I like her, like that's possible.

I can't deny, not anymore. She's fucking attractive and much more than that. But that doesn't mean I like her!

But making her fun would make the guys back away, they started talking about how cute she was. It was a dick move, I agree. But knowing the guys, they won't think about her that way anymore.

River said she had a shirt in her hand. A fucking black shirt. For me. Why do I feel my heart clenching? What is this feeling? I fucking wanted her to give it to me.

And then she hugged Theo.

Her hugs were something else and I hated that Theo got to know how it felt.
Motherfucking asshole.

I want her to give me those magic hugs. Only me.

Because she doesn't deserve friends.

A thought makes me ball my fists. What if she gave the shirt to Theo?
Fuck.

River said she was crying. I knew she wasn't. She wasn't ugly at all and she had to know it. Come on, no one's ugly. And she surely isn't, a blind man can tell.

But what if she believed me?
Triple fuck.

Fury filled my insides. I stood up and walked outside in angry strides, angry at myself. Confused as to why I was feeling like this. I'm fucked up.

Mr Kale calls my name out. I don't turn around, I don't want to be sent to prison because I'll end up killing the old man if I turn around. And Alya would end up hating me further.

I'm supposed to make her hate me, for God's sake! I'm supposed to fucking hate her.

I punch the trunk of the tree hard the second I'm outside the school. Breathing heavily, I do it again. And again. And again. Until the feeling inside me numbs. Until the pain on my fist overcomes the pain inside.