Starting Over

Violet's Weekend with Toby

x-x-x-x

Toby lives on the second floor of a house that had been converted to a multi-family home. As we climbed the stairs in the narrow hallway, our history came to mind. Too many thoughts at once. How awful I treated him. Drunken nights that I passed out in his room. He always took care of me. I wore him out. I tried to repay him for it all, but I was just too much. Like everyone else, he stepped back. He didn't have the time, couldn't give me the attention.

Why had he agreed to be my 'babysitter' anyway? I'm not worth it.

My eyes stung, pestering me to let the tears fall, but I'd resist for now.

"Where's Tristen?" I asked as we passed her room, remembering his emo kid little sister, two years older than me but much more delicate and innocent.

"Vacation."

"Rad. I wanna go on vacay." When he didn't respond, I kept rambling. "Looks like she and her girlfriend are getting close, right? Are they gonna move in together?"

He nodded, cold and detached, leading me to his large bedroom. Like Molly's, Toby's room had been a common area in its former life. It's an L-shape, so he has it divided nicely: couch and tv on one side, his bed, desk, and dresser on the other. Two large bookcases along the walls were stuffed with old-looking science and psychology textbooks, all of his lighter softcover books about meditation and spirituality strewn neatly about.

I was only forced to endure a few minutes of excruciating silence as Toby changed out of his work clothes. His earlier scolding had subdued me a lot, so I sat on the couch fiddling with his Rubik's cube. My heart thumped, and I chewed on my lower lip, busying myself with trying to solve this puzzle, much easier challenge than figuring out what to do with my life.

Totally absorbed, I didn't notice when Toby came back dressed comfortably in black shorts and a tight gray t-shirt until he cleared his throat. I glanced up.

"We need to talk."

"Famous last words," I muttered.

He sat down on the coffee table in front of me. "Gabe has given you consequences the last few days, but this weekend it's my turn."

I stopped twisting the Rubik's cube and looked up at him, stunned. "But you could've Monday and said no. That's not fair. You can't do it now!" Fury stirred inside my chest, so I refocused on the device in my hands, not really trying to solve it anymore, just needing to move.

"Behavior modification doesn't happen overnight. There are several steps to complete... Violeta, please stop with that, it's distracting."

I rolled my eyes and tossed it aside, folding my arms with a huff.

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, eyes locked with mine. We held the gaze for a minute. "What's going on?"

A sigh and eye roll escaped without my permission. "Is this therapy?"

"I need you to put the brattiness away and speak like an adult. I'm not Molly, I don't deal with pre-teens."

My cheeks flushed. "I don't know what's going on. What you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me what triggered your spiral, why you didn't call me, and help me figure out what we can do to make sure it won't happen again."

"Fine, if we're gonna do this, I need to get comfy. Get your notepad or crossword puzzle or whatever." I caught a glimpse of his almost-smile as I stretched out on his couch, staring up at the ceiling. "Doesn't it always go back to our mothers? Should I start there? I don't think I'll tell you anything you don't already know. My mom is a bitch. We hated each other from the beginning cuz we have the same temper. Vic was always the one to comfort me after I was yelled at. Typical absent father..." I swallowed a lump in my throat, remembering my dad, bottling those feelings back up. "The rest of my family is so far away that..."