sparky // a padawan story

chapter 4. a black hole.

I hear a knock at the door to my quarters on the Negotiator.

"Come in," I mutter as I sit up in my bed. Obi-Wan enters. He stands in front of me as I look down and begin to fiddle with the hem of my night shirt.

"What do you look like that for?" he questions.

"Just go ahead and yell at me," I sigh in reply.

"And what would I yell at you for?"

"...Disobeying orders?"

"Technically, you were still in the ship, if I recall correctly, so you really didn't. Although, part of me wishes you were with us, since you could've gotten us out of that mess. But we can't change that now." He kneels down to my level. "I was gonna ask why you were coming after us, but I suppose I'm curious now. You expected me to... yell?"

"Yes? No? I... don't know."

"I think you know, but you just don't want to say. That's okay. Look up here, Arlo. Let me see. This is bigger than you're letting on."

I look up at my master. His expression is softer than usual, but he looks concentrated. I realize what he is doing, and let him into my mind.

"What did I tell you about running off looking for your mother?"

Obi-Wan continues to focus on my mind as I watch his reaction closely.

"What did I tell you, girl?"

"T-to not g-go looking—"

"So why'd you run off?"

"B-because—!"

Obi-Wan's face falls after he watches the memory of 4-year-old me getting pushed to the ground by my father.

"Because why?"

"I-I'm sorry—!"

If his face could even fall more, it did as he watches me get kicked. I feel my eyes start to water.

"She doesn't want you to look for her. She doesn't love you. She wouldn't have left if she did. It's your fault!"

I almost feel the sting of being slapped in the face repeatedly as the memory of him hitting me runs through my head. Tears start to flow freely down my face.

"It's all your fault!"

I feel Obi-Wan leave my mind. I look away from his face as I feel his eyes scan mine. He hesitantly wipes a stray tear off my face with his thumb.

"Arlo," he nearly whispers. He puts a hand on my shoulder as my face finds my hands. He gently pulls my hands away. "How about we go on a walk, little one? It will calm you down."

I shake my head no.

"I'll show you something no one else here knows about if you come with me, deal?"

I look up at him once again as he offers me his arm. I sniffle as I hesitantly get up and take it, clinging onto his arm like it's a lifeline. My cheek rests on his arm, next to his shoulder, which is surprisingly stripped from his usual armor.

"There, there. Let's go on, then."

We exit the room and walk down the corridor in a comfortable silence as I stay attached to him.

After a few moments, Obi-Wan speaks up. "You don't have to talk, just listen to me, all right?"

I nod.

"I won't abandon you. Ever. And I won't hurt you, or somehow let you get hurt. You're safe with me. I just need you to trust me. Completely."

"I... do. Yeah."

"Then you know I'm going to protect you with everything. And you know I want you to be the best you can be, and I'm going to help you get there. Right?"

"...Right."

"Something else is troubling you. Tell me."

"I... no, it's okay."

"Arlo, you have to trust me with these things. Remember what I told you before? Don't keep it all in. It's all right."

"It's... I'm scared, Obi," I hardly choke out. "To lose you. And everyone. You all are all I have."

"I know, dear Arlo. And that's okay."

"But I'm not supposed to feel attachment."

"It's normal, Arlo, we're human. We can't just not feel anything. It's how you act, because of it, that matters."

"I never had the attachment problem until now. I used to not feel anything."

"I'm sure you didn't feel anything—"

"Do you want to see for yourself?" I allow myself to open my mind up to him once again. He peers into it as we continue to walk.

"Get away from me, freak!" the boy pushes 6-year-old me to the ground. I get up run away with tears in my eyes.

Flash forward 3 years. "Why does she even bother to stay here? No one wants her around." 9-year-old me walks away with my head down.

Flash forward another 3 years. "She looks like a zombie walking around. What a creep." 12-year old me's face is thin and bags line my eyes. I walk to the meditation room in my quarters and sit on the ottoman.

Inside me feels like black hole. I feel myself sink further and further into the hole until all my surroundings grow dark. Something dark and scary rushes out of my chest until someone nudges me awake. It was Master Yoda. I look up, and saw a dark, black circle above me.

A black hole.

An embodiment of pure darkness.

It began to fall gently around me like stardust.

I suddenly snap back into reality as I feel a cry rack through my body. The empty feeling of the memory of the black hole scares me, to say the least. Obi-Wan exits my mind as he guides my face into his arm to muffle the sob.

"Shh, sh, sh. Breathe. Deep breaths."

"I-I'm sorry—"

"No need to apologize, little one." He continues to guide me down the hall. We walk through the mess hall and he points to the kitchens. "In there, come along."

We enter the now empty kitchen. He pats the counter to tell me to sit up there, which I do. I wipe my face with my sleeve as he grabs a tea kettle and two tea cups. He begins making the tea over the stove and turns back over to me.

"What I'm about to show you stays a secret, yeah?" he tells me with a playful grin. I nod in reply as he turns his back to me and crouches down to open a cabinet, where he pulls out a cookie jar. He sets it next to the tea cups and opens it, pulling out a sugar cookie and handing it to me. "Eat. They're the best I've ever had."

I finally give him a small grin as I take a bite. Obi-Wan takes a cookie and does the same, but sets it down once he realizes the tea is done. He takes it off the stove and pours the tea into our teacups, handing one to me. I smile in gratitude, and he shoots me a wink as he puts a spoonful of sugar in his tea, stirring it and taking a sip.

"Sugar?" he offers. "The tea is quite bland without it." I nod, and he puts two spoons of sugar into my tea and stirs it. "Drink up, it will calm you down." Instead, I dip my cookie in the tea and take a bite. He chuckles. "That works too."

"It's good," I say quietly.

"I bet." We fall into a comfortable silence as we continue to eat. "I want to thank you, Arlo. For trusting me to see that. I believe that was a big step for you."

I swirl the dregs of my tea around in my cup. "It's comforting."

"What is?" Obi-Wan asks.

"Knowing I'm not alone anymore. Knowing someone understands. In a way."

He takes my now empty cup, along with his, and rinses them in the sink, then puts his hands on my shoulders.

"You know... black holes create galaxies, Arlo. The strongest, biggest galaxies."

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