A College Romance Bethyl

Chapter 39: Looking at the Truth

Chapter 39: Looking at the Truth

Sitting on the set of The Ellen Show, Beth watches the audience oo and ahh over how cute Mychal is. Ever since she took him to the Queen Latifah show, ever interviewer wants Beth to bring Mychal also. She doesn't mind this at all because with each show Mychal becomes more and more open and since hanging out with Daryl, he has become less strict in his schedule and more relaxed.

"Good morning everyone! Welcome to the Ellen show! Hi, I'm Ellen and today we have with us Ms. Beth Greene and this handsome young man Mychal Greene! Let's give them a hand!"
The crowd cheers and Mychal bounces in his seat. "So first off, congratulations on the new EP. I love your music. I know this sounds silly but I don't know your exact Genre, so when people ask me I call it easy listening music. Which fits it no?"

"No, that's actually a better way to describe it. I usually say that I'm like in between Tom Waites and Regina Specter sort of, so I guess Easy Listening would kinda be the best genre than just placing myself between two kinda of music."

"Now we have people live tweeting us, cause a lot of people are interested in talking to you and Mychal, so would you like to get a live tweet?"

"Sure!"

"Okay, live tweet #1 from @GreeneFan#1%- well, I guess it must be a dairy cow cause I'm sure this morning we already talked to 2% in my coffee and low fat in my cereal and skim in George's glass. Haha, no, so GreeneFan#1% asked, '@ellenshow Beth, love yo music. Dis real stuff iz da bomb diggity. How do yo come up wid dis music? #greene_swag'. So Beth, would you care to answer?"

"Yeah...I get most of my ideas for songs from my life and things I've gone through...so like the song Tiny Heartbeat, that's a song about When I first held Mychal. So they all really just come from what has either happened to me or what my friends or family has taught me."

"Our next live tweet is from @prettyjennifer04 and she tweeted, '@ellenshow Beth, you and Mychal are so adorable! If it's not too out there, who is Mychal's father and why doesn't he take responsibility? PS: please follow me on twitter and Instagram! Such a huge fan! #fan4life!'. This might be a personal question, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Well...um, it's a long story."

"We have time...don't we?" Everyone cheers and Mychal is coloring on the coffee table as Beth thinks of where to begin without hurting anyone.

"Well, five years ago I was in college and I had terrible relationships before, so I didn't want to date anyone else, I lost faith in a lot of guys...but I was actually recruited for this band, Diminished Sixth, and at the time the lead singer was kind of a jerk...but sweet once I got to know him. We were dating for a while and when I got pregnant with Mychal, I just got fed all these lies from people who I thought were my friends, so I left the guy. Well I ended up getting back together with him and got engaged...which last a day because I was so hormonal and I didn't let him explain himself when he said something I found terrible, so I left him. And he tried and tried to get back with me, but at one point he just stopped all together and I never knew it was because he ended up moving after he graduated...so I pushed him away and never told him when our son was born or ever felt I needed him...but I ended up leaving school for good, had Mychal and now I live back with my father just cause I need help with him and other things."

"So who is this mysterious guy and what do you think he'd say if he were here, cause I know on Queen's show, Mychal said some harsh stuff about his dad..."

"The thing is...huh, well, it's hard." Beth wipes a tear from her eye. "I'm sorry...I don't know why I'm crying."

"It's okay, we all cry when these hard questions get asked." The audience is silent and Beth knows Daryl's watching from his apartment in Atlanta.

"Yeah...but this is all too complicated....Mychal's father is Daryl Dixon....and when we were on the Queen show I didn't know he'd be there, so...so it was hard listening to Mychal get serious about his dad not loving him, cause I never told him about Daryl so...I'm sorry....so it was really hard for him I know, to sit there and hear those things come from yer son you just met...It feels terrible."

"So is Daryl active in Mychal's life now that he knows Mychal's out there?"

"Yeah...yes. Absolutely. He's been seeing Mychal for a few weeks now and...and Mychal's actually doing better cause of it, I think."

"Well yer very brave for saying all that. Why is this so hard for you, now? To sit here and say these things...why didn't it come out on Queen's show?"

"I didn't want Mychal to find out that way...I wanted him to be in a safe place when I told him. He's the most important thing to me...You could take me job, my house, my possessions, but I will always keep my baby boy safe..."

"Now, here's a harder question....you ready?"

"Yeah. haha, I think."

"Do you still love Daryl?" She freezes and she feels her cheeks burn.

"What do you mean?" She sounds like an idiot, but she seriously doesn't know what Ellen means.

"How do you feel about Daryl, after all these years? Do you love him, hate him? Regret anything?"

"I don't hate him...I couldn't hate him. And I certainly don't regret him getting me pregnant...I honestly don't. Love him? That's hard..." She pauses and thinks for a few seconds about the last few weeks with him. "I don't want to love him."

"But you do?"

"I do. It hurts to love Daryl...especially what we've been through."

"Then why do you?"

"It's complicated...I guess I love him cause of Mychal. As a father of my baby I love him...I guess I love him cause I know it will only ever be him. I have dated two guys before Daryl and had a fling with a guy he hated after everything went down...and none of those felt good or like a relationship. with Daryl...its just a touch and...and I know that every thing is how it's meant to be. He makes me feel safe and secure...and I do love him."

"Then why don't you want to?"

"Because it hurts...it's like a cancer...cause on one side you feel perfect, but on the other yer always expecting the worse. And I don't wanna hurt any more. I don't wanna love Daryl any more...because I know I'll never love any man as much as I love him..." She cries and the cut to a commercial break. Getting a Kleenex from Ellen, she gives her a hug and then talks with a Mychal a bit. After the show comes back on and she sings and they talk to Mychal, they leave the show and she sits in the car crying.

"Mommy what's wrong?"

"Nothing baby...nothing's wrong. I just got something in my eye."

"The other day when Daddy was over, he told me a secret." Mychal says.

"What was it?"

"He said he loves mommy." He whispers. "But shhh, don't tell anyone."

Sitting back in her seat Beth cries harder and starts to hate herself.