Suburban Vampire: Redemption, Book I: The Scourge of God

Chapter 20

Scott was always great with awkward silence, as he considered himself somewhat of a professional at it. Today, in the church office, he sat across the well-worn desk from Pastor Larry, not saying much of anything.

"You know, Scott," Larry said, "we're here to talk. That means actually verbalizing your thoughts. You know, using your words."

"What is there to say?"

"Okay, let me ask you: how are things going with you?"

"Wonderful. Just wonderful."

"That bad, huh?"

"Larry, you know what I'm dealing with: there's my mom, for one thing. She's dying."

"And you're not quite sure how to handle it."

"Not at all. She doesn't even seem all that concerned."

"That's because your mother knows where she's going. You do, too. Heck, you've been there. Heaven. I can't even imagine it."

"Yeah, but I was there for all of five minutes before I ended up in Maine. Long story."

"But you've told me that Heaven was pretty good. It is good, right?"

"Beyond my ability to explain and yours to comprehend. But that's not the point, is it?"

"Of course not. What is the point, Scott?"

"My mother is dying. That's the point, Larry. We could go around about how great Heaven is, how great it's going to be for her, and for me to chin up and just accept this loss. Right? Is that the point?"

"No, Scott, it's not. 'Chin up and accept' is probably the worst advice anyone could give you. No, Scott, I want you to deal with this loss as best you can. I want you to feel it, Scott. I want you to own the pain."

"Why on God's earth would you wish that on anyone?"

"Because it is human, Scott. The grief, the pain, yes, even the rage, are human, and you've told me many times how you've wished you were human once more. Well, here's your chance. Don't deny it, Scott. Don't avoid it. Own it. Live with it. Relish it, even. Don't seek to cover it over with temporary solutions. Don't self-medicate it. Own it and deal with it."

"You don't understand, Larry. My situation is unique."

"Why? Because you're immortal?"

"Yeah, there's that, and there's that whole vampire nature thing. It's always there in the background, not even hiding. What if I lose it, Larry? What if, in my grief, I act on my vampiric drives? How could I deal with that?"

"You won't. You know why? Because I have faith in you. And not only me, but Dawn, and Tim, and those guys you work with down at Ministry. They believe in you. You know who else believes in you? Your mother, Scott. Your mother believes in you."

"Yeah, she tells me that. I've just never accepted it."

"Maybe you should."

"Yeah, well, she doesn't know what I am... oh, crap."

"'Oh crap' what?"

"I never told her, Larry. I never told her that I'm, you know, a vampire."

"Maybe you should."

"Maybe I should. And maybe..."

"Maybe what, Scott?"