"No way in hell!" I respond. "You're lucky I'm up here to begin with,"
"Only because I dragged you up there!"
"But I stayed, didn't I?"
Harry doesn't respond but he just looks at me with this adoring expression. His eyes crinkle as he smiles up at me. I swear I've never seen him look happier, but I don't know why. We're not doing anything besides messing around before his show later tonight.
I allow my eyes to drift past Harry, taking in the view in front of me. Although the arena is empty, it's still quite the sight. I couldn't imagine performing up here in front of thousands of people. I wonder how Harry does it. He's so shy and reserved at home, but somehow he comes out here and sings every night. I couldn't imagine.
"Baby?" I hear Harry say.
My eyes snap over to him. He smiles at me, his dimples still prominent even being far away from him.
"Sorry, I was lost in thought," I tell him.
I peel my eyes away from Harry and begin my journey off the stage. He waits for e at the bottom of the stairs and instantly grabs my hand in his, lacing our fingers together.
"What were you thinking about?" he asks me.
The two of us slowly walk with no destination in mind. We just mindlessly wander the arena, hand-in-hand.
"Just how you can get up there and perform in front of all those people every night," I admit. "I could never,"
I glance up and see Harry smiling.
"You get used to it," he softly responds. "I used to throw up every time before I went on stage when I first started performing. Not with White Eskimo, my first band, but on the X-Factor? Forget about it. I was a wreck, and then even more so when One Direction first toured,"
I frown. He's mentioned having stage fright before but I wasn't aware of the extent of it.
"That sounds awful," I tell him.
He shrugs.
"I got through it. Now I just get a little nervous but nothing that extreme," he says.
"I wish I had your confidence sometimes," I admit. "I know it's different because you're performing and I'm not but...I wish I could figure out how to get through my own worries,"
Harry pauses in his tracks and comes around to my front to look at me.
"I'm always here for you, I hope you know that," he tells me. I avert my eyes briefly before looking back up to meet his gaze. "I can tell you've been going through a rough patch. You can talk to me, Amelia,"
I bite the inside of my cheek. I know I can talk to Harry, but I'm just not ready to let all my insecurities out to him yet. I've briefly touched upon them, but I haven't fully delved into how much they're affecting me on a daily basis. I don't want Harry to think less of me.
My therapist suggested that things might die down a bit once Harry and I go home after the tour. She thinks that my name is in the media so often because Harry's is. Once he's out of the spotlight for a bit, she thinks less and less people will pay attention to me. I hope that's true because recently I've been feeling like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.
Harry's sweet message to me at the first New York show didn't help anything. Social media was bombarded with photos and videos and just posts in general. A lot of people are happy for us - and also for me. They've been piecing together who I am for the longest time and with the help of Shannon leaking my information, they have it just about figured out by now.
However, along with the good comes the bad. Like usual, several 'fans' opened up their mouths about what they think about me. Some say I'm not good enough while others say I'm using Harry. I also get compared a lot and it's made me start to eat a little less. I never cared before about food but I've been overly conscious over it. I don't know if Harry's noticed that lately, but he's definitely noticed my attitude change a little.
"I know, Harry. I'm sorry I've been distant," I tell him. "I want to talk to you and I will, I promise, it's just there's some stuff I need to figure out on my own first,"
Harry frowns.
"But we can figure it out together, love," he sadly replies.
I give his hand a squeeze. I know he means well. It would probably benefit me to talk to him but I want to figure out my feelings first before I do. Telling him 'I hate the spotlight you've put me in' might not be the best move because he'll blame himself for my downfall. So I want to start the process of working it out so in the future if I do wind up telling him that I can also add 'but I'm doing a lot better now and I'm happier'. I'm just not there yet.
"I love you, Harry. I really do. I just...just give me time to come around, okay? If it's serious I promise I'll come to you, but it's just petty things I'm working out now," I tell him.
It's half a lie. It definitely is serious but I don't want him to worry. He knows I've been seeing a therapist so he's already on edge. I just want to get to a better spot before we talk deeper about it. I fear we'll start talking and I'll spiral more than I've been doing. Is this a good decision on my behalf? I don't know, but it's what I choose to do.
I stand on my toes and peck his lips twice. I shouldn't have mentioned anything about my issues. He was in such a playful mood earlier and I would do anything to get that back.
"How much longer before you have to be back here for the show?" I ask Harry.
He shrugs.
"We did the mic check and everything...so probably four hours? I don't even know what time it is..." he answers.
"Do you want to take a nap with me?"
Harry smiles, his mood beginning to lift.
"A nap?" he asks.
I nod.
"Nothing too long, or we could just lay down. I just want to cuddle..." I shyly admit.
I feel somewhat childish admitting that, but I absolutely love being wrapped up in Harry's arms. I could spent an eternity like that.
Harry doesn't answer, but like before he abruptly picks me up, only this time bridal style. I giggle and wrap my arms around his neck, while laying my head on his shoulder as he carries me to presumably the dressing room. It's not large, but there's a rather large couch in there we can make do with.
"I love you, too, by the way," Harry says in a whisper as he whisks me away. "I realize I forgot to tell you before,"
I lazily smile and hum in response.
"I know," I say so quietly I don't even think he heard me. "I know,"
...
Bro I am editing Let's Hurt Tonight and it is awful LMAO like thank you all for reading and coming this far, but like why LOL my writing in the beginning was so different than my writing now so I'm just going through to make it more cohesive. I'm also changing some details (I'll tell you all when I'm finished - nothing to change the storyline though)
