PHOENIX ━ dameron

029 | ghosts

Out from beneath the tents Lyra just stood and looked out beyond the outpost.  Empty sky, miles of sand.

Bee scooted up close to her and gave a sad, solitary beep. Is he gone?

She nodded her head down at him, blinking. But she didn't really believe it. How could she? Call it denial, call it exhaustion, but there was no way Lyra Endellion was going to believe Poe Dameron was just dead.  After everything, he was not gone.  

But can you feel him? 

She reached for the sound of his voice, the feeling of safety in knowing he was out there somewhere making good on his promise to come back to her. But it was all smoke and silence. The Force showed her the truth.

"Poe is gone," she said quietly.

All she could see was his face, looking at her as he told her that she had to go. She remembered the feeling of pure warmth when he was around her, when he would playfully grab her by the arm and stand so close. The way he smiled at her from across the room.  Everything about him that she had disregarded for years and now it was too late.

For all her life she had known that there were parts of herself that would never see the light of dawn.  They needed to stay buried and pulled tight against her chest.  But Poe had proved her wrong so many times.  She had gone blind from looking at his light, his optimism, his hope.  And now that was gone and the knot in her chest was pulled tight and crossed over itself in the dark. 

I'll come back to you.

A lie, she thought bitterly.

The sky above was still as blue as cornflowers, and there was no question that she would have to keep moving on. She would complete this mission, whatever it took. It felt like an unclimbable mountain, one made from the harshest elements from the depths of the galaxy and it was still dragging her through the dirt at every new turn.

She let herself have five more seconds.  That was all the time they could spare.

"Let's go, Bee," she told the droid. "We don't have much time."

She felt the weight settle in her throat, one that she knew would never go away. Lost time and missed chances had always been like friends to her, but now it seemed they were back with a vengeance. Long had she feared her sins would continue to come back and haunt her, and today they well and truly had. It was a list of wordless regrets miles long, and suddenly Poe Dameron's name had taken the spot at the top.

Lyra approached the two of them, and whatever they had been talking was cut short.

"So both of you knew him?" Rey asked her, cocking her head toward the other guy. He was standing up now. "Since you're both from the Resistance?"

Lyra tilted her head, looking at the guy in Poe's jacket. He was avoiding her gaze, knowing he had just been caught in the lie he was spinning to Rey. She wanted to call him out for it, but then he looked up and Lyra understood.

He was escaping. A defector. Someone who had really, desperately tried to help Poe make it out. A little selfish, but he was trying to do the right thing in a place where he could be killed for it. She was too numb to do anything else. Her brain was on autopilot now, her instincts forced to take over in her place.

She just looked at him. "Yeah, Poe was--he was the pilot I came here with."

His shoulders sagged. Lyra would let him have his relief, but she had about a million questions for him. And she sure as hell didn't trust him, not when he had clearly just lied to Rey. And apparently, he thought he would get away with it.