Stay

Makes Me Feel Like I Can't Live Without You

I’ve lived with the Cullens for nearly fifty years by now. It scares me that if I was still human, I’d be old and wrinkly and have children and grandchildren. I had Alice and Jasper as friends, Carlisle and Esme as parents, and Edward, Bella, Rosalie, and Emmett as brothers and sisters. They were truly kind people, and I tried the vegetarian diet. I tried for thirty years, but Carlisle knew how much it pained me, how bad my throat and heart were when both parts of my body realized that it wasn’t a human’s blood. Carlisle let me hunt in various places nearby; normally I’d have to go to Canada or south to Oregon, but it was manageable.

But, I longed, yearned to see the Volturi again. I felt guilty, worried that they’re looking for me, thinking I’m dead. I worried for Demetri, as we were the closest of the entire Volturi. Regardless, I still worried about Felix and Caius and Jane and Aro, but Alec….

Ever since I ran, I felt dysphoria. By using Jasper’s empathy, I figured out it wasn’t from me or any of the Cullens. It was far, far away, almost like the melancholy person was reaching out to me. At night, I’d go and think about who it could possibly be. For a while, I fooled myself into thinking it was Alec who was upset. But, it wouldn’t be him. He never showed compassion to me, only just told me of his story.

I never lied to Alec. I honestly thought his story was heartbreaking and nobody deserved the sadness of being burned alive for a crime they never committed. It irked me that Alec wouldn’t believe me, almost like he knew he did something to deserve being condemned. It made me furrow my eyebrows and ponder what happened for him to have so much self-loathing. Did Aro or Caius or Marcus know? Did anyone know? I told Alec of my friends and life before we went to visit the Castle, and he seemed intrigued of my life. He kept asking questions; Did you have any boyfriends? Did they treat you right? I told him everything. I didn’t have any dysfunctional relationships with boyfriends; all my boyfriends were super kind and sweet. The only problem was that he’d find a different girl and break up with me. But, I didn’t mind. I always had my friends, Tessa, Brady, and Seb never left my side. Ever.

I felt like I should tell Alec I’m okay, that he shouldn’t worry (if he ever worried about me). But the last time I saw him was seventy years ago. He’s probably already forgotten about me; probably the rest of the Volturi did the same.

 

“Miss Gray, can you answer the question on the board?” Some old teacher interrogated. Yeah, I ended up going to Forks High with the rest of the Cullens, only because I got bored of sitting at home and doing nothing, Granted, it’s still pretty hard to be stuck in a small room with twenty humans, so Carlisle tells the school I have a weaker-than-others immune system. Today was one day I felt strong enough to go without killing someone at school. Now, in a Chemistry class, this teacher demanded the answer.

“You’d even out the coefficients to make both equations equal, and then use the answer in the experiment,” I answer. The teacher huffs and continues lecturing the class on coefficients do to the equations and potential answers. I don’t pay much attention, mainly since I’ve learned this in Italy and Edward had taught me this a while ago. Apparently, nobody thinks the curriculum should ever be changed in a dingy town like this.

Later, I go to lunch with the Cullens and grab an apple. When I ate human food, I loved apples, and by holding one, it painfully reminded me of my old life. I wanted everything to go back to normal. It was too much for me to handle. More than once, the Cullens have suggested for me to find a mate. I can’t. Nobody finds me attractive-even as a vampire, and I couldn’t risk changing a normal human with such a life ahead into a leech.

***********

“I’d like to talk to all of you,” I announced. All of the Cullens were sitting around the living area, talking and laughing and smiling. When I spoke, however, they all became quiet immediately. “I’ve been thinking, a lot, and I’d like to travel again.”

“Does that mean you’re leaving us?” Emmett asked.

“Yeah….But I promise to come back here every now and then to say hi and everything. I just don’t feel like I belong here. It’s not you guys, it’s everything else,” I added.

“Well, it’s your life, Vera, so by all means, if you want to leave, then go. We’ll fully welcome you back if you do decide to reside with us,” Carlisle explained. I nodded, giving each of them a hug. I bid them all farewell and left.

**********

What am I thinking? I’m so stupid.

I’ve been pacing back and forth for nearly three hours. I left the Cullens about three weeks ago, and I traveled again. I went to Rome and Milan and London and Scandinavia, but somehow, I felt attracted to return to Volterra. I still felt the distant melancholiness with my empathic senses. With every step I took towards Volterra Castle, the depression was clearer, louder, as if someone was screaming out their sadness and it could be heard on the other side of the world.

After my disappearance from Italy, I don’t know what the Volturi would do if I suddenly returned. I knew that Aro would yell at me for being so ignorant and I’ve probably lost Jane and Demetri as friends, but even being in the Castle was...home. I felt safe and content. Even if the Volturi lock me up for the rest of my days, but at least I’d know I was safe. Even if Jane and Demetri hate me, I’d know how stupid and horrible of a person I was.

Suck it up, Vera. They’ll figure out you’re back either way. Might as well tough it out.

I cautiously walked to the Castle, sneaking past the Guards that were doing an awful job of guarding the Castle doors. I walked the twenty feet down the hall that would inevitably lead to the Throne Room, the room I had despised at one time. Now, I was scared and was starting to second-guess myself.

I opened the door.

“Welcome back, Vera.”

(A/N): I'm so sorry this took me so long to write. I've had some problems with my life these past few weeks. Finals are this week, my English teacher is driving me crazy, and I've been so stressed out lately. Nonetheless, I've been updating a couple other stories of mine, so I'm attempting to write more of Stay so that I can finish this story. I'm thinking of having one more chapter and then an epilogue. I might do a sequel (if you guys ask for one) and that one would be more lovey-dovey than this one. It'll go more into depth of everything that happens between the next chapter and the epilogue. It'll be extremely fluffy, too. However, I'll have to start that sequel in a few months so I can write on my stories (namely Unorganized Polka Dots [Owen Harper], Tug Your Ear With Me [Maxon Schreave], Slytherin As One Can Be...? [Draco Malfoy], and TARDIS High). Check out my page to find out when I update my other stories (if you happen to read them. If you're into Doctor Who, Supernatural, Harry Potter, Torchwood, or The Selection, then check out my other stories!)

And I'm sorry for such a long Author's Note.