Again. Again. Again. 《 l.s》

♡ SIXTY - SEVEN ♡

"People hurt each other. Intentionally, unintentionally, regretfully or not. It's a part of what we do as people. The beauty is that we have the ability to heal and forgive. - Adi Alsaid

" Forgiveness isn't approving what's happened. Its choosing to rise above." - Robin Sharma

••••••

[ Harry’s POV ] 

"Anything for you, Angel." He whispers, closing his eyes. The nickname should give me butterflies and make me smile. But it makes me feel guilty and sick.

Angel 

Such an innocent and pure word. Neither of which I am. I don't deserve to be called an angel. I am nowhere near the beautiful flawless creation that is an angel. I am ugly and clumsy. With lanky legs and unruly hair. Louis is an angel though. With his high prominent cheekbones and his tiny little hands. 

"Why didn't you call me?" Louis interrupts my thoughts. "Last night, when that happened." He motions towards my face. "Why didn't you call me or something?"

"I didn't wanna bother you..." I answer truthfully. Making him roll over so he is facing me again. "And it lasted until like 2 a.m.” His eyes cloud over in worry.

"You suffered until 2 in the morning and didn’t call me?” He asks, but his tone is more worrisome and not mad. 

“I figured you were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you up.”

"Harry, call me at 2 a.m. Wake me up. I don't care, I want to hear your voice. Tell me about the bad dream you had, tell me why you can't fall asleep, tell me about your attack. I am here. I will listen to you when your shoulders feel heavy. I will hear your words when you feel so crushingly small. I will sit with you in silence when you are slumped against your pillow and just want to hear my breathing. So, call me at 2 a.m. I prefer you, over sleep any day. Don't sit there on your own, talk to me. I care. So never suffer alone again ok? Call me, and if I don’t pick up? Call me again. If I still don’t pick up. Spam my phone. Call Liam or Niall. Call Alisa or Ashleigh." He says, all the while running his hands through my curls and his fingers over the curves and dips of my face. 

Louis makes me wanna get better. Louis makes me wanna ignore the voices. Louis makes me wanna not hurt myself anymore, no matter how loud they are. Because I can’t bear the hurt in his eyes every time something happens.

But I’m afraid that Louis is too blind to see what he is getting himself into. Sometimes I wish I had a warning sign across my head saying “Please don’t fall in love with me.” 

Please don’t fall in love with me, I am cruel, cold, distant, heartless, and unemotional. M guards and walls are way high up high in the sky, and it will take too much of an effort for you to climb up it.

Please don’t fall in love with me, I will cringe every time you touch me. Because no one has ever touched me there before and I am afraid I am it’s not good enough. 

Please don’t fall in love with me, unless you’re prepared to share your one beating heart with me. If you do share your heart, expect me to be possessive, jealous, and moody. I will not accept any other occupants of your heart. 

Fall in love with me only if you’re ready to give it your all, only if you’re ready to battle with all of my demons, and only if you love me despite all that I am and all I’m not.

But I don’t. I just have to hope people can see all my flaws and realize what a mistake they are making before they can get themselves roped into this mess. Because once you're here, I won't be able to let go. I’ll scream and shout at you, I'll be mean and irrational. Until you're forced to leave because it’s too much to handle.