Again. Again. Again. 《 l.s》

♡ FIFTY - NINE ♡

“You can't forgive and forget, pick one." –Robert Brault

Retrouvaille
(n.) the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation; rediscovery. 

••••••

Songs

Two ghosts - Harry Styles 

Someone you loved - Lewis Capaldi 

Sign of the times - Harry Styles

••••••

* One week time jump *

[ No POV ]

FRIDAY

Louis looks up walking through the hallway.

Harry looks over from his locker.

They catch eyes.

"We are stargazing Louis."

"You can touch me,"

"What are you doing? Put it back on my face."

"Please don't leave me."

“No snuggles for a week.”

They say that right before you die your life flashes before your eyes. But sometimes the thing that’s dying isn’t your physical being. 

Sometimes it’s your soul. 

Harry’s eyes are a tornado, you wanna look away and run. But oddly they are so fascinating and you just stand there in awe. Until they get closer and closer and swallow you up. 

Harry’s eyes are like a snowstorm. Deadly, dangerous, cold. But so beautiful.

But they aren’t the normal, bright, happy eyes Loui’s used to. The type where looking into them felt like opening a preset on Christmas morning.

This type feels like the dirty, snow slush you have to drive through on Christmas morning.

Louis didn't mean to have it get this out of hand. He didn’t mean to have it end up this way. It’s so hard to explain what happened. Harry would never understand. Harry wouldn't forgive him, this was Louis’s worst fear. He knew he had to do it, but not in this way. And maybe, now that he thinks about it, he didn’t have to do it at all.

He would rather have everyone except Harry hate him. Rather than everyone except Harry love him. 

Maybe it’s just Louis’s imagination, or maybe Harry’s eyes look more tired. Maybe his dark circles are more prominent. Maybe he has been wearing more and more beanies. 

But on the other hand, the hair Louis can see might be more curly. And his skin is so smooth and Louis knows it’s warm and soft. Because Harry is everything that Louis has ever wanted and dreamed of. But he can’t have the one thing he desires, because he ruined the one thing they had, a relationship. 

The building blocks of trust that Louis and Harry had built a tower with. The things that Louis convinced Harry to do. Even though he had never done them before. Harry did them because he trusted Louis. 

He trusted Louis with his life. 

But Louis has made the tower come crashing down, like a wrecking ball coming into a building. 

Maybe it’s just Harry, but Louis looks so much happier with Kat. Harry just wished he knew what he did wrong, because it’s something. Louis doesn’t just get mad for no reason. Louis said he needed a trigger or something to set him off.

Maybe Harry is Louis' trigger. Maybe Louis can get better on his own but Harry is holding him back. Maybe Louis can finally be happy without Harry dragging him down. And even though it kills Harry every time he sees them together he just stays quiet and avoids them. 

Because Harry’s happiness can be sacrificed for the ones he loves. Or the ones who once, maybe, loved him back. 

But he just misses the way Louis numbed all the pain. He misses the way that for just a bit, Louis could calm the storm. Even when the thousands of medication doctors prescribed did nothing. Louis’s simple touch could fix everything in a heartbeat. Louis was his drug. And he doesn’t know how he is gonna survive without it. His brain is just gonna swallow him alive. Until there is just a Harry sized hole in the world. Even though that hole won’t be that big-

Because Harry is insignificant, forgettable. 

The look in real life only lasts a split second. But in the boy's little world, it lasts an eternity. Saying a thousand words they never could.

They look away and go about their day. But the interaction rests -uncomfortably- in the back of both of their brains. 

••••••

This chapter is my favorite in the entire book so far. So make sure you comment and vote! 

Love you

T xxxx