Last Place You Look

Chapter 35

I'd never seen Harry cry like this before, but it was like watching a puppy drown in its own water dish. It was the saddest thing I'd ever seen and I immediately felt like the world's shittiest girlfriend.

I straddled his lap again, wrapping my arms around him as tight as I could. There were only so many ways I could verbally express how much I love him. I tried to press it into him like a stamp when I hugged him, hoping to leave enough of a mark so he'd never forget.

He reciprocated my hug after a few seconds. I rubbed his back with both of my hands, trying to get his breathing to calm down.

"Why don't we go to bed and we can talk about this in the morning. I don't think being drunk is doing either of us any good." I pulled away from him and rested my hands on his cheeks, wiping away the few tears that had escaped with my thumbs. "Does that sound okay?" He only nodded. "Let's get ready for bed then. We can take care of the living room tomorrow."

I pulled him up and to the bathroom. We brushed our teeth together and grabbed water from the kitchen before we went back to bed. He got in, immediately laying with his back to me. He'd never done that before, but he made it clear that I'd hurt his feelings. And I hated myself for it. I did what he did though, and pulled his body closer to mine and pressed my forehead into his back. I whispered how much I loved him in his ear when his breathing got heavier and slower, telling me he was asleep or close to it.

We woke up in a different position than we fell asleep in. I was on my back and he was laying on my stomach. He had one arm stretched up the bed and with his hand under the pillows, while the other hand was holding mine with a death grip. I was usually really good at slipping out of bed without waking him up, but I didn't think I had the proper surrogate for the anchored hold he had on my hand. I was his prisoner until he woke up.

It didn't take him long to wake up though. He shot up in bed, moving to his knees faster than I'd ever seen him move. His eyes were frantic and panicked. The veins in his neck were tensed. He'd been woken up by a nightmare. And I had a suspicion it had something to do with me when he saw me and I saw an actual look of relief hit his face. He laid back down where he'd woken up from and kissed my stomach gently.

"Sorry, had a bad dream." He buried his face into my shirt and pulled our comforter around his shoulders to partly cover it.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I ran my fingers through his curls, scratching his head softly as I did. He loved having his head scratched.

"Not really, but I'll let you know if I change my mind. Do you wanna talk about last night?"

"I think we should, even if we don't want to." He pulled himself from his place on my stomach and landed on his back next to me. 

I looked at him. His eyes were plastered to the ceiling. I had a feeling he was embarrassed. He'd never cried in front of me before. He showed a lot of emotion but that was the first time I'd seen him come undone in any way.

"I didn't mean I wanted to marry you right now. I know that's not something you're ready for, and that's okay. We always take steps together and if we take that one, I know it won't be for a while." His stare stayed glued to the ceiling. I rolled on to my side to face him though.

"I know what you meant, Harry. I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I just didn't know how to react and being drunk definitely didn't help. I didn't mean to make you cry." His eyes closed the second I brought up him crying in front of me, confirming his embarrassment. "You don't have to be embarrassed about crying, Harry. I've had full breakdowns in your arms on multiple occasions. It's okay, I promise."

"I just haven't cried in front of someone since-" He was quick to cut off his sentence, only to change the the course of his words. "Have you really not thought about what it would be like if we got married? Like, is that not something you want?"