Surviving The New World (Book Six in the Surviving The Walking Dead Series)

Sensual Apologies (SMUT ALERT)

"Psh," Daryl rolled his eyes.

"I really do, which is why I wanna work this out...I don't wanna lose ya." Daryl fell silent. "I try to talk to ya, but half the time I talk it's yellin'." Daryl opened his mouth to speak. "I'm not pointin' fingers, I'm just statin' the fact. We barely talk and when we do, we're usually arguin' over stupid shit. I always tell myself how I wished you'd treat me with the dignity I deserve, but I finally realized that I ain't been treatin' ya with the dignity you deserve...and I'm sorry...ya deserved better and ya still do." The room fell silent for a moment.

"So, what are we gonna do?" Daryl asked.

"I'm gonna sit here and listen to ya. I need ya to tell me everythin' ya hate about our relationship, no matter how bad it makes ya sound. I won't argue, I won't speak until you're done. When you're done, I'll do the same. We get everythin' out on the table and deal with our problems...I just wanna know what's goin' on in that head of yours." Daryl nodded and sat the ice pack down.

"I hate ya got pregnant with Negan's baby," I didn't say a word, just nodded with understanding. "I get why ya slept with 'em, and I'm not mad about that...but havin' his baby? It killed me...especially when ya wanted 'em to be involved in not only Joseph's life, but Harper's, too." I nodded once more. "I hate that we don't talk anymore like we used to. Ya used to be able to tell me anythin'. Fuck, ya didn't want to keep it a secret when Abraham kissed ya when he was drunk, what's different now?" I didn't respond.

"I hate that ya hardly touch me anymore," Daryl continued. "I try to do things with ya, but ya cringe away like I'm a fuckin' walker. I hate how ya constantly put yourself in danger, I hate that ya volunteer to do everythin', and I hate how you're the one to turn to when it comes to takin' care of Negan...but what I hate most is how ya fought to keep 'em alive. After everythin' he's done to us, to you, ya fought to keep 'em around, made me agree to lettin' 'em be involved in my kid's life. It ain't right, Michaela. It ain't fair to force me to have some sort of relationship wit 'em just because ya can't end yours."

I sat in silence, taking everything in...have I really been that bad to Daryl? My heart broke. I never meant for things to get this bad...I never meant for any of this to go bad, period. "Ya done?"

"Yeah," Daryl sighed, rubbing the exhaustion from his face. "I think that's it."

"Okay, I guess it's my turn." Daryl nodded. "Daryl, I know that me bein' pregnant wasn't easy on anyone, especially you. And bein' pregnant with Joseph...I knew it'd be a hard pill to swallow, especially for you, but I can honestly promise ya that I had no intentions of gettin' pregnant while already pregnant," I tried to smile, but Daryl's face remained still like a statue. "You're right, though. At first, I slept with 'em because of you. Simon put it in my head that if I didn't hold up my end of the marriage, he'd divorce me and go back to Alexandria to finish the job...and it made sense, so I believed 'em. I hated it, every minute of it. It didn't become pleasurable until I thought y'all exhaled me, turned your backs on me. And I wanted 'em to be involved because he grew attached to 'em and because I knew he'd make a great father. I knew ya would, too, and ya are a great father...but when Joseph died, I lost it."

"Lost it?" Daryl softly spoke. I looked over at him with sadness looming in my eyes.

"I saw Merle. I guess it was my brain tryin' to accept his death. Merle told me that he was goin' to a better place and that he'd take care of 'em. It helped me accept his death, but it didn't do anythin' to help the heartbreak. I guess I neglected my marriage durin' all this. You were so supportive through it all, but I came out of it bitter and reclusive..and that ain't fair to you, Daryl. I wanted to let Negan be a part of Harper's life still because it felt...wrong, like his chance to be the father he always dreamed of bein' was ripped out from underneath 'em...it kinda was.