NeoNara || TXT || taebin || yeonkai

2014: Friday, Part One

2014, DAY ONE
Friday, August 15, 2014 10:51 AM

Soobin sleeps the entire way to NeoNara.

He leans his head against the window of the Amtrak train. He watches as Penn Station disappears from view, as concrete walls give way to the Hudson River, as the train departs New York City and heads north. And as he slowly nods off, he wishes he was anywhere but here.

Truth be told, Soobin wishes he could go back in time. He wishes he could go back to the first NeoNara festival, that during the Polaris Rider set, he had asked Taehyun Rhodes to be his boyfriend, for him to move down to New York City with him, to somehow live in the dorm together. Anything to get Taehyun to stay with him. But that isn't how reality works, and while everybody else seems confident that they are going to get Taehyun back into their friend group, Soobin isn't so convinced.

He hates this Mayumi. It is the same circle of thoughts: how dare she exist? She's taking Taehyun away from me. But wait -- Taehyun was dating her while he was at NeoNara, so am I the bad guy? I miss him. I wish it wasn't this way. Lather, rinse, repeat. Soobin's brain has been in a shower for the past year, and his hair is clean, but it hasn't made him miss Taehyun any less.

It's not like you knew him, a classmate had told him when he had opened up about his struggle. But somehow, Soobin still knew a lot about Taehyun -- his favorite color, that he was left handed, that he wanted dreams bigger than a part time job forever but didn't fully know what those were yet, that he was good at music composition even if his mixing left something to be desired. He had found everything charming, and he had fallen in love with it all.

And then, it just wasn't meant to be.

He dozes for an hour or two. When he wakes up, the train is traveling through the Allegheny Mountains. Decent sized peaks, covered with trees, surround Soobin. The Hudson River is still on his left as the train travels perpendicular to it. Soobin notices houses on the hills, birds flying in flocks, and even swears he sees a fish jump out of the water.

He checks his trustworthy Blackberry. A half hour to go.

Yeonjun had mentioned that Soobin should journal to Taehyun, whenever he missed him. But Soobin had never been the best with words, and he ended up spending his time wasting away in depression rather than doing something productive about his feelings. Yet now, he realizes there are so many things he wants to say to Taehyun. I've missed you so much. This sounds weird, but I think I love you. I think you should break up with your girlfriend and date me instead. And he has a feeling he will get a chance; Taehyun's set is still confirmed for Friday afternoon at 3 PM.

But the only problem is Mayumi. He knows she will be there, controlling everything about Taehyun's life. He hates how he keeps thinking about her, how she has ruined everything just by existing. He keeps trying to find something to like about her, but he just keeps feeling jealous.

He thinks about what Yeonjun had told him. You have one shard of hope, Soobin. He came out with the remix when she said not to. At the very least, it means he wants to make music. Start there. I know it's gonna hurt like a bitch, but you love him too much to let him go. So you gotta do something about it.

Soobin wants to know more about Taehyun, more than just the way he tastes. He wants to know why he didn't go to college -- the proper reason, not just this or that. He wants to know if he can drive, and if they can go on a date together in Albany, maybe see his high school, all the places he used to hang out. He wants to know Taehyun's favorite books, and he even wants to meet Taehyun's parents, as backward as they probably are.

But more than that: he just wants a chance. And if he doesn't get that chance, then he'll know for sure. After all...he is now a senior at Baruch College. He has one more year. While he could certainly get a job and therefore a work visa, he doesn't have to stay in America if this all goes badly. If Taehyun breaks his heart, he can go back to Korea, complete his military service, eat as many moon pies as he wants, and have his parents arrange a marriage for him.