When the morning comes

33 | the truth comes out

I woke up with a heavy flight or fight response. My body was tense, sore, but vigilant. Thoughts flew around like a tornado, telling me to flee now I still had time. Anxiety ran through my blood by the thought of Salome's words and gift the night we had kissed.

Ran through my blood when I thought of the kiss, my feelings for her, but then how she betrayed me, trampled my heart, with Benjamin's situation. Thought of all the other people I had hurt along the way. Close friends, family. I needed to get away. Benjamin needed to get away.

With that thought in mind, I reached for my phone. "Papà e Mamma.. I've got a question." When I hung up, I shoved my suitcase from underneath my bed, jogged over to the wardrobe and shoved the clothes I could reach into my arms, dropping them into the suitcase.

One glance at the clock. Seven am. I had barely slept three hours, but the adrenaline pumped me awake.

I threw one of Aurora's knitted sweaters over my bare upper body, black jeans under that. A quick wash up. Toothbrush in my backpack, I left my charger at home on purpose. Salomé had called me several times, throughout the whole night. Left several text messages, as well as Teddy and Daniel.

My fingers did not allow me to answer, so as the battery drained empty, I let out a deep breath of relief. I still had time to get away from here, without anyone knowing.

When I had collected the basic needs I'd be needing along the journey and the stay, I went over to Benjamin's room. He slept, with his face humid from tears. The photo of him and Aurora laid beside his pillow, the glass fogged up due his warm breath and the tears that laid on it. The frame of the picture had engraved into his skin. As if my heart hadn't been broken by now, it broke a million times more.

Gently reaching for the photo, I cleaned the glass. I saw Aurora, wearing a floral dress and a knitted sweater on top of it. Too much colors in her clothes, but she looked stunning. Her black hair was loose, she held four years old Benjamin in the air, their lips exchanging a soft kiss.

Tears had dried up after the intense couple of days, but I knew if it wasn't for that, I would have cried oceans.

Opening Benjamin's closet, I reached for his cowboy themed suitcase, repeated the action I'd done and dropped his clothes into there. Reaching for a sweater, I carefully wrapped it around the photo of him and Aurora, laid it between his clothes so it couldn't get broken.

Benjamin awoke by my fast and rough movements, and no matter how harsh I had been last night and told him I didn't want to see him for the rest of the day, my heart warmed, in a painful, but loving way when our eyes met. His hair, so disheveled, the engraved pattern of the frame in his cheek, the gap between his teeth, the rosy cheeks.

He didn't say anything, he wouldn't dare. I could tell the suspense of what I was doing confused him.

"You miss nonno e nonna, hm?" I removed the eye contact, focussed back onto his suitcase. I walked over to him, pulled the pillow under his body away and provided it of a clean pillow case before I stuffed it into the suitcase.

Benjamin's voice was hoarse when he finally spoke after a long time of silence. "I thought you'd evict me."

"I'd never do that, Benjamin." When his suitcase was fully closed, I walked over to him, held his face in my hands. "Are you hurt?"

He shook his head, but I could tell how the tears were starting to glaze his eyes again.

"There's a lot unclear to me, and I bet to you too, but we will find a moment to talk about that. I think we both need a break. From here. From.." People. I thought by myself, but Teddy and Daniels' words echoed through my mind. Don't run away from people. Don't run away from yourself.