When the morning comes

28 | entangled minds

"Come on, you need your balance for this one. It's the biggest, strongest and most aggressive bull of the planet!" Benjamin squeezed his legs around the wooden horse, pulled the reigns and narrowed his eyes as he stared at the cow next to him. "Don't worry, I got this."

"Benji.."

"Come on! Come on! Catch him!" Benjamin ignored me, swung his lasso around and caught the cow within one try. He beamed, pulled the rope so the wooden cow couldn't go anywhere and took off his hat, bowing down.

"Benjamin."

"Beniamino Matteo Teddy Malin is the winner-"

"Benjamin!"

"What?" He looked at me, irritated.

I raised my eyebrows, kept looking at him until he looked away. "Watch the attitude. I'm talking to you and I want you to answer."

Sliding off his horse, he loosened the rope, which suffocated the wooden cow. "I said no!" He exasperatedly threw his hands in the air, hanging his cowboy hat on the wooden ear of the horse, so it wouldn't get dirty if it were to lay on the ground. "No is no, Papà."

Yeah. We taught him that. But I was still his father. He was only eleven.

"I think it's better for you and me both, campione." I kept my voice low on purpose, tried to make it seem like an open option, even when I thought it was truly needed.

With his feet placed upon the horse, he stood up, hovering over me as he swung his lasso around. "I don't need play therapy. I can play totally fine, can't you see?"

"That's not what it is." I smiled a little by his innocence, but it was wiped off my face the moment he glared at me. "Benjamin, it's okay to take on a helping hand. It's normal that you can't do it alone-"

"Then why don't you get play therapy. I don't want it. I'm fine."

Children don't want to play with you anymore because of your behaviour. You're losing your best friend Nolan. You sleep so awfully much. The attraction to food is getting obsessive. He wasn't okay. But it felt unfair to confront him with these things. In some ways, I felt the need to protect him from the evil world, still. He was only a child, thus he didn't do those things on purpose. "Amore, I want you to go."

"I said no! You said no is no, no matter what and I'm saying no and you won't listen. Please, Papà, I don't want to do that." He started crying. He always did when he was frustrated. Feeling helpless. It was a frustrating thing. When asked for your opinion, but no one was willing to actually listen.

Perhaps, I hadn't thought the situation through. He was playing, it wasn't the right time to ask him about such thing. My heart felt heavy. I turned around and went back inside, leaving him alone. I felt helpless, wished Aurora was here. Wished Salomé was here.

Salomé wanted to go by train today. It took her back to the days where she was little, travelled with her parents through England. The better days, she would call them. She'd felt the need to experience it again. The sound of the train doors closing. The cracky voice announcing where to next. The people reading, scrolling on their phones, talking to children. Because my mind was still hazy and chaotic, I had agreed and sat down, wondering where she was.

It wasn't until the second stop that she stepped inside. I felt myself becoming warm when I saw her and she smiled at me. I gave her a small smile back as she sat across me. She loosened her scarf and beret. I gazed at the tiny freckle on the tip of her nose. Why did I feel attracted to her?

Was it because of last night? The deep conversations we'd had, even when she hadn't reached the deepest of depth in my life? I hadn't spoken about what had happened between me and Aurora, and no matter how much I liked to keep it that way, it also made me feel trapped inside my own body. Made me feel like I was building a bridge over waters, but was taking too slow and could have, should have been finished weeks ago.