My Professor's Secret

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I'm not the person who would ever expose someone else to save my skin or completely throw away someone's confidence in me, but that didn't mean I couldn't think it. Would the dean care that two consenting adults were involved with one another when he had a son not only selling on school grounds out of the library but concocting marijuana into candy? Theoretically speaking, even if I were to overlook Sawyers's situation, it doesn't eliminate Rachel's. Someone who trespassed, stole, spied, and used racially motivated comments—violating my civility. Where were her consequences? Being demoted from her sorority changed absolutely nothing but the size of the bedroom she received. Somehow she managed to slither herself back to the top with some lame doctor's note claiming she'd been off her medication for months which led to her spiral of juvenile delinquency—not the racist kleptomaniac blood coursing through her veins.

Absolute bullshit if you ask me.

Nonetheless, it gave me hope that what Trevor and I had entangled ourselves into was nothing the stress over. And because it was more immoral than forbidden, that may mean it wouldn't warrant termination or expulsion.

Second, a backup plan if the dean happens to have gotten a chance to read the email before I can find a plan to get rid of it. It's not like I could break into his office, hack into his computer and delete it for myself, but there was someone who could and would graciously. The issue with that is exposing the private details of our relationship to someone else on campus, which I knew Trevor wouldn't agree to. It would only fuel the fire we were desperately trying to eradicate. I couldn't completely count the idea out, though. It might be our best and only hope because getting expelled can't happen.

It's a shame it took my brother's intense confrontations and the mere thought of expulsion to finally get me to hear Lorelei's words. The thought of my father waking from his coma to learn I'd been expelled would destroy me. It would mean accepting that I failed my parent's expectations of me by putting all of their hard work to waste. But it wasn't just that outcome that haunted me. Imagining him never waking and knowing he left me at my lowest would also destroy me. There was only one outcome that I had in mind, which meant every possible scenario had to be thoroughly thought through.

Lastly, coming up with a way to explain this all to Wyatt. Oddly enough, it isn't until I've truly put my mind on him that I realize I genuinely love him. He's an amazing guy. Popular—well-liked, charming, banging body, and sexy as hell. Only now, whereas before that's where the extent of my description of him would stop, it continues. He's funny, a leader, hardworking, protective, intelligent, generous, and selfless. So many attributes that I looked over and truly regret. How do you tell someone that great that you ultimately hurt them? It's worse because I was adamant enough to convince him that the suspicion he had early on about Trevor and me wasn't realistic. Somehow, he believed my lie. A moment hasn't passed where I haven't felt regret or guilt.

Another sigh falls from my lips, though it's polluted with pity this time. I take a few steps forward as I pull myself from my bed to repack the tote that destroyed our room, and I get a glance at my reflection in the mirror. Who was I anymore? I've somehow turned into this person I don't even recognize. The crumpled old booklet in my hand is the last of what I toss back into my tote, and memories of my first-day flash before my eyes again. My desire to reinvent myself turned out to be the complete opposite of what I had in mind. Throughout all the bullshit this year drug me through, I've become a person who lies to the people she claims to love. Someone that blatantly disregards the rules as if they don't apply to her. I'd been doing everything I wanted nothing to do with, which was no one else's fault but my own. Because of that fact, it was up to me to conjure a plan beneficial enough to remain at this school.