This Is My Story.

Coming Out.

26/01/15

My parents have always said that it is okay to be who you are, we don't care if you're gay or straight, all we care about is that you're happy, and I believed them, I believed that I could act myself and be bisexual and be able to be in a girl on girl relationship and not have them look at me in disgust.

Until recently.

I've started watching all of the pretty little liars series again on Netflix, and my mum has been in the room sometimes while watching them, and whenever she sees Emily and Paige kissing on screen she will cringe and look at the tv in disgust and then say to me.

"I don't understand the attraction"

So my reply would instantly be.
"What is there to understand? It's who they are attracted to, it's who they love and want to be with, it's just as normal as a woman and a man"
Her reply was that she doesn't see the attraction in men either, now I don't know what that means, I laughed at the time because how can she not be attracted to men if she is straight? Maybe her mind is just weird, I mean well it is, she has mental health problems.

But I guess even when parents do say that they are okay with your decisions, part of them still wishes that you weren't that way, and that you was in a 'normal' relationship, but what is normal? How can anyone say "oh that's not normal" because does anyone know a person that is actually normal? Who wants to be normal?
I like the person that I am, I like that I am completely abnormal! And try my hardest not to care what other people think of me.

My dad doesn't think that way though, my dad generally doesn't care, he does have a few racial issues, and that really bothers me sometimes, but I guess it's something I am going to have to deal with, and something he will have to deal with too, because my girlfriend is mixed race.

But honestly if he sees how happy I am with her, something minor like that really wouldn't bother him.
But I have to be honest, before Lyska my mind worked the same way as his, I was a really racist person and it's certainly not something that I am proud of, but since she has come into my life my views on everything has changed, it's crazy that someone else can change the way you think, I mean not completely obviously, I still have my own mind and my own thoughts, but I view things from other points now, and I love that.

Nearly every child that is gay are scared to come out to their parents and i used to think 'what's to be afraid of' because my parents have always been open minded with me and said that they wouldn't care, but now i know, for families that do have religious beliefs, and for families just in general, sometimes it's a hard thing for them to except.

When a mother is pregnant, she will always say, 'i don't care what the gender is, as long as they are healthy i will be happy' but as soon as the child is born, they are picturing their life for them already, the child growing up and getting a good education, maybe going to college or university, and getting a high paid job and then meeting someone and settling down and having a family, when they picture all of this happening, they don't picture them with the same gender, they picture them with the oposite, because that's supposedly 'The Normal Way Of Life' but it's not, we are in 2015 now, there are so many different sexuality's that i couldn't even name them all to you, i have found out new ones and thought 'wow i didn't know that was even a thing, or even existed' so you don't really know until you look into it.

So when a child does finally tell they're mother that they are, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, it kind of freaks them out a little bit, well some more than most and they don't know how to react, some parents will scream and cry and call you an obimination, some will shrug it off and tell you 'It's just a phase' but the parents that say 'they knew all along' or 'we love you just the same' they are the good parents in all of this, but even those parents still feel that slight disappointment, that their kid isn't living the life that they pictured them having.

I never really came out to my parents, not how most people would do it, my family all kind of just guessed that i was a lesbian, even though i would always deny it, not so much to the point where it wasn't true, more as i didn't want it to be, it was only last year that i really started telling people that i was bisexual and not caring what they thought.

I think my parents believe me when i say it, the amount of times that i have surely it must have gotten through to them, but they don't believe me when i say i have a girlfriend, well my mum doesn't, my dad doesn't pay much attentiont to know, i think my mum choses not to believe that i have a girlfriend, probably because i have never met her and she lives 3,000 miles away, but that's her choice, and once i do finally get to be with her this year, i will make sure that she knows it with the amount of pictures i plan on taking of us two, wether she choses to accept it or not is her choice.

I Remember talking to her about it once, and she said to me 'it may be all i love you's over the phone but you're never going to be with eachother, you'll probably see her once, maybe twice and that's it, that's not a relationship' i hated when she said that to me because i started to believe her, that we couldn't make it, and she made me start to doubt our relationship, but now i ignore all the negativity, because it has nothing to do with her, yes she is my mum and she can control some of my decisions, but i am not a child anymore, and when i want something i make sure that i get it.

Lyska is something that i want, so i will make sure that i am stuck with her for a very long time, hopefully the rest of my life, but who knows? no one knows what the future holds.

But when coming out to your parents, be brave, because yes they did bring you into this world and they raised you, but they are not the only people that moulded you into the person that you are today, every person that you see or spent time with has moulded you also, you are your own person, and they cannot stop you from being who you want to be.

You have to ask yourself though "Am i willing to risk losing my family to be the person that i am and with who i chose to be with" if the answer is yes then you are set and you have nothing to worry about and no one holding you back.

if the answer is no, then you need to think really hard about your life, because you can't stay hidden forever, you will get caught out eventually.

Just Be You.