This Is My Story.

See Me.

16/12/15

People look at me, but they don't see me.

Truly see me, you can look at me, but you only really see who I want you to see, but I think I am tired of hiding the person that I want people to see me as, but always take awhile to let them see, does that make sense? I feel like this is confusing.

When we first talk we will discuss the basics I guess, what's your name? Where do you live? How old are you? And so on, questions that don't really allow you to delve into peoples minds.

I assume that's how it would be with everyone right? I mean that's how you get to know a person, but how well can you truly know someone? If they don't let you all the way in then I guess you never really knew them at all.

I am a hard person to get to know, I will admit that, you can talk to me and I will be the most coldest person with you, simply because I am protecting my heart in a way, I will keep you at arms length and push you to make sure that you're worthy of staying in my life, because if you can take all of that and still try to get to know me, then you have passed the test and you're welcome to stay.

I have a big heart, a bigger heart than I let on, I would go to the end of the world for the people that I care about, and over the past year that list has been getting shorter and shorter, simply because people do things that make me not want to know them anymore.. that sounds cold also, I know. But I can cut people off so easily, if you do something or if I feel like you have changed into a person that I don't recognise anymore and someone I don't want to be around, I will cut you off and not think twice about it.

Don't get me wrong I will think about you, a part of me would probably still care, but I wouldn't care for the person that you have become, I will care for the person that you used to be.

That doesn't make me sound like I have a big heart, but I do even though I don't show it.

When I love someone, I love that person wholeheartedly, I would give that person my all, Whatever they wanted, whatever they needed, I would find a way so that I could give them everything.

But I am not a materialistic person, Write me a letter, grab a guitar and sing me a song, that's what I want.. because that is exactly what I would do for someone.

As much as all the things I would buy for you, or give you, I would want to make it so much more special by doing something that actually means something, creating a memory that is going to last forever, not giving you something that you could lose or throw away.

I would give my heart on a silver platter if that is what you needed, but people don't see that unless you stay.

I've never been one for relationships if I am being honest, But then again they were all with boys, and it's like I made it my life's work to end those relationships, to be away from those people, because my heart was never in it.

But with this girl, the girl that I never actually met might I add.

Boy did I love her, my heart was in that 100% and I still don't think I have managed to get it back.. I gave her everything that I had to give.

and I guess she is the only person that ever actually saw that side of me.

I could tell my friends of the person that I am, but it's completely different than me showing you.

I think the truth is, I am tired of being lonely.

It's true what they say, you can be surrounded by 100's of people but still feel lonely.

I don't want to be lonely anymore.

I want someone I can take on romantic dates, not even for the fact of going to the most fanciest restaurant, or spending loads of money, I mean let's get in the car, let's go for a long drive to a destination we have never heard of it, let's listen to stupid songs the whole way there, let me look over at you while you're sleeping, your head resting on the glass, the light hitting you just right, and I'll smile in that moment, and it will be a moment I will rememeber forever.

Let me take you on a real date, and I mean pick you up at your house, actually walk up to your front door instead of texting or calling to say I'm outside, introduce me to your parents and let them give me the ground rules, let me kiss you goodnight and wish to see you tomorrow.

Let me invite you to a family party so you can meet every single one of my family members, because believe me there is a lot of them, let me show you off and slow dance with you to a song that is upbeat.

Let's go into a photobooth and spend half an hour just being stupid and goofing off, it'll cost us money, but who cares right? We're young, we're just trying to have fun.

Let's go bowling and miss every single pin because we suck so bad at the game, and then we magically get a strike and we jump up and down and scream and just be excited in the moment.

Let's be the loudest people in the most quietest place because we just don't care.

Tell me about your doubts and let me comfort you and tell you that it's all going to be okay and that I am not going anywhere.

Let's spend hours on the phone, we don't even have to talk, let me just feel your presence.

Come over and spend the day with me in bed, we don't have to do anything, let's just cuddle.

Have a musical marathon with me, so we can dance around and sing all the songs because we know them by heart.

I want us to fight when it's storming outside and the weather is a mess, I want you to leave because you're so angry with me, and I won't be able to leave us in that way so I'd come chasing after you, I would apologise even if I weren't wrong, I'd tell you all the reasons why I love you, and then I'd kiss you in the rain, you would try to fight me off but I wouldn't let you.

Let's lay down on a hill one night and watch the stars, let's accidentally fall asleep outside and be woken up by the sunrise where we will sit and watch it together.

Go to a theme park with me, we'll get on as many rides as we can, we'll play all of the stupid games and win big teddies.

Be a young and in love with me, do the things that I love to do and I promise wholeheartedly that I will take care of you.

I'm tired of being lonely.

You look at me, but you don't really see me.

But if you stick around, I just might show you the real me.

Let yourself fall in love and be free, I promise that you will be happy with me, whoever you may be.