DANIEL BRÜHL || A terrible but intense love story

To Daniel 1

Today is November 15, 2018
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It was late October 2000 that I met you, you petty piece of trash.
(Blur. I didn't want to write that, or maybe yes, but it's not true, or yes, or maybe ... Better ignore it)
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Why do I do this? Why after all and when everything has already passed and has stayed in its place for so long I am still here doing this. Writing to you
I know you will never read this. (I actually hope you never do). But I'll tell you something.
On Saturday I saw you, after 2 years, running in Orankesee. I recognized you immediately (it is terrible to confirm that I can still recognize each step you take, each movement, ... each subtle gesture of expression, even 10 meters away), and I stopped in a way that I now consider pathetic to observe you without knowing what to do. My mind became confused and my movements were numb. I just stood there, watching you ...
Then you stopped, unexpectedly, in front of the lake and stood there watching ... what.
I think I have guessed the expression in your gaze. In your eyes there was something, an idea, a memory ... maybe. And I was looking at you and you were looking into an infinite void beyond Lake Orankesee, beyond your present, even beyond everything.
And I wondered if you did that often or how often. Did you suddenly stop anywhere, in any situation and, with the same hint of expression, you thought ... did you remember ... did you remember me?
Do you remember me?
Sure you do, but how do you do it and in what way?
How I make my way through your thoughts.

After a minute standing there in front of the lake you left.
You took the opposite route and left.
I was still standing there watching your figure (which I know by heart) wandered past Orankesee, past me.
My present and yours are divided, and our futures are even more distant. And yet seeing you again, for a few minutes ... It affected me.
End.

Well, it took me about half a minute to react and get on my way. I arrived at my lonely and pleasant apartment. I took a shower, ate, continued my work and was happy. Even in the next few days everything was technically fine ... But something was wrong. I knew it when I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I realized that I had been thinking about you all that time, at intervals of half an hour or less, every day. I couldn't forget the scene of you at the lake, my pathetic reaction back then, and the 20 years of comings and goings in the midst of joy, euphoria, sadness, anger, apprehensive feelings and deep, fleeting depressions. .. OMG!
Everything came back, everything ...
And I'm really angry, because I'm supposed to, damn it, I'm over it ... But what the hell ... Is it real? Really??
So are you insurmountable?
Shit
Well already.
Anyway. In the end, here I am, with a sick desire to write to you. I will take it as an expression of emotional relief. I have the satisfying feeling that when it is over, everything will have returned to its respective place. And life will go on and we will continue to be happy.
Well at least I'm happy, and you... I don't know.
Well, nobody is really completely happy, but feeling calm, satisfied and appreciating every moment that I am living makes me consider myself happy.

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