In My Head ❌

In My Head-Part 27

What had I done wrong..I was so confused I was just trying to give him what he wanted, what they all wanted, one less person to worry about; he and Dec should have been happy.

"A-Anth...?"

I heard Dec's voice and I panicked sliding along the roof top as I moved towards the edge again, I had to get away from Dec this wasn't right; Dec wasn't supposed to save me again..he was supposed to let me die.

I had to die, I wanted to die, I deserved to die.

With those thoughts in mind I stood on shaky legs heading for the ledge again only to be stopped by a small pair of arms wrapping around my middle, I knew those arms it was Dec; I closed my eyes as I burst into fresh tears and began to struggle attempting to break his hold.

Dec shouldn't be here he shouldn't be near me he would get hurt again I had to get away I had to die I had to protect Dec I felt his arms slipping and he let out a sob as his hold failed and I began to run towards the ledge again only to stop as someone grabbed me again tackling me to the floor.

"Stop it Anthony that's enough"

It was Simon's voice and as my face stung where he had stuck me I began to cry harder struggling against his hold, Simon was still angry at me and I was so scared he was going to hit me again; I didn't want him to hit me I knew he hated me but hitting me was a bit much.

"Anth please mate..."

Dec's voice came through again and I felt a hand touch my face causing me to jump..was Dec going to hit me as well?

I sobbed out and tried to pull away from his touch only to be stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around my already aching chest, "Grab his feet Dec".

Simon spoke again and I began to kick out at Dec as he moved to grab my legs, I wanted them to let me go...why wouldn't they let me go I was just trying to help them I was just giving them what they wanted.

"Stop It Anth!"

I jumped at the sound of Dec's voice loud and harsh and I went still as he grabbed my legs and I felt my body being carried across the roof, why were they so determined to save me?

Why were they angry with me?

Didn't they understand that I was doing this for them so that they wouldn't have to put up with me anymore?

I knew they were tired of me and I knew that they wanted...needed..were better off with me out of their lives and I knew this for a fact as my brain began to throw up memories of the last few days each one proof that everyone's lives would be much better if I was gone.

The memories came fast each one sending a razor sharp pain through my heart..what was left of it.

Simon's words from earlier..."this whole situation is killing us all"

Amanda flinching when I had spoken to her in Dec's room like she expected me to yell at her

David's eyes filled with worry as I struggled for breath on the sofa in the waiting room

Alesha yanking Dec out of my arms in order to save him from being hurt by me

Dec sobbing on his bed his heartrate spiking due to the never ending stress I was always putting him through

Dec's pale face and his limp body in my arms as I held him moments after I caused Stephen to have a heart attack

....Stephen....his name conjured up a dozen memories all of them a reminder of what I had done...what I had caused....the man I had almost killed..