To String Together ( Huaze Lei )

Feng Residence Pt. 2

The little amount of wine and beer I had seemed to be almost nonexistent. Whether I was sober or not, I would never tell him how I knew him before now under this circumstance. From his bitter and cold tone, there wasn't any interest in me anyway. There was a look of judgement and it made me feel uncomfortable. Why would a person like Lei like a person like me? He seemed so frustrated and had enough with my nonsense. He called me out on my sensitivity and did not show any mercy on me. I can't believe he called me oblivious?

Meizuo wasn't flirting with me.

At any moment I knew the tears would be coming and I did not want Lei to see me cry. He gave me every reason to feel uncomfortable around him, because he was only being nice because I am Ximen's best friend. If I wasn't friends with Ximen at all, I'd only know his cold side, because he would never bring his guard down around me. It was a stupid idea for me to try to explain to him that I was very sensitive to anything, because of my past; my depression. He wouldn't get it, because he doesn't care enough to see the signs. I shouldn't be too surprised, because even Ximen couldn't tell I suffered from bad depression. He had no idea of the severity. He knew I wasn't quite myself all the time and he had an idea I wasn't happy, but he tried to support me in any way. Ximen being there and supporting me was the only thing that really got me through the year before I left for the states.

"I'm going to find Meizuo," I pretended to yawn. "I need a blanket." I faced away and took careful steps in the direction Meizuo went before Lei could say anything. I still drank enough where I found it a difficult task to walk straight. I left without saying anything more before I embarrassed myself even more than I have. Once I reached the hall out of Lei's sight, my vision blurred and I quickly wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. I tried to delay my sniffling until I was down the hall where I reached a set of stairs. I took a hold of the railing and began making my way up.

How am I going to be able calm around him after this moment? He may think I won't remember any of this and he may not say something, but I'll remember this happened. How will he act towards me after today? Will he go back to pretending to be a friend? Lei isn't a guy I thought he would be.

"Faye?" I walked up the last of the steps and saw Meizuo coming out of what I assumed to be his room. I slowly walked over to him. I tried to cover my sniffles and wiped a few more tears trying to not burden Meizuo with my problems. I didn't want him to think I was too needy and emotional. "What happened?" Meizuo asked carefully and he opened the door he just closed.

"There was just some misunderstanding," I spoke lightly. I was right about this being his bedroom. I took a seat by the windowsill and he sat at the edge of his bed.

"Did he do something to upset you again?"

"N-no. It was really my fault." I wasn't sure why I felt the need to lie. I guess it had to do with it being the easy way out and not causing any more trouble.

"But you're upset?" Meizuo questioned. "You're crying."

"I'll get over it."

"You can tell me anything. You know that, right?" I looked over toward the bed to see Meizuo being serious with what he said. "You don't have to bottle up or hide your emotions. It's not healthy."

"Lei thinks otherwise," I said without hesitation and I mentally hit myself for letting that slide.

"He what?"

"I-I wanted to tell him I had a crush on him." I wanted to change the subject. Meizuo's eyes widened for a moment before showing a bit of confusion.

"Isn't it a little early to tell him when you two have just met yesterday?" I lowered my eyes. At least Meizuo was calm and not judging that much like Lei had done.

"He said the same thing," I spoke just above a whisper. "I wanted to tell him we have met before... before I could say that, I felt he was talking down at me like I was beneath him..." I hugged myself feeling a little uncomfortable speaking about this out loud. The only person I really spoke about my feelings was the therapist I had. "I-I wasn't brave enough to say anything else, because I feel humiliated and too embarrassed to say anything. His tone sounded so cold and bitter towards me and I just wanted him to know a little more about why I am the way I am. I thought he would have been more understanding." The tears were flowing down my cheeks like a river now and my voice sounded hoarse.

The silent room filled with my sniffles and I felt intimidated of what Meizuo response would be to my blabbering. After a few moments, I felt a gentle hand take mine. I continued to sniffle and looked up to see Meizuo with a neutral expression. He was staring down at our hands before looking at me.

"I won't ask about senior high school right now. I'm sure that is a story for another time," Meizuo spoke lightly. I'm sure it must have been hard for you to tell me this. I want you to know that you never have to be afraid to confide in your problems when you're around me and should never feel it's a burden."

"It really means a lot for you to say that," I spoke lightly. Meizuo gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my hand slightly.

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Next week is finals week before I am on break for the semester. There's two more semesters left until graduation. I'm not completely sure yet whether I'll go to pharmacy school or work towards finding a career in a lab. Both options are both a dream of mine and one step closer to my goal 💛

Next update : Wednesday