2.0 The Chronicles of Us - Shame & Blame

Chapter thirteen

My heart rate kicks up. I need to explain to him that it was all for the sake of his precious life. I need to call him. Even though I lost his number when I broke my phone, I can find out through Maggie. Yes, she can ask Frank. Tex feels so close all of a sudden. All I have to do is call my friend.

The plan causes adrenaline to shoot through my frozen limbs. With the sun no longer providing a hint of warmth, coldness has crept into my bones. Shivering and stumbling, I try to find my way back to the car. Twigs scratch my face, snow-covered rocks hurt my feet. It seems, I'm not on the path anymore.

Oh no ... I'm lost in the dark.

The irony doesn't escape me.

Snowflakes swirl around me like a sad ballet while I force my numb feet to keep moving. Why do all these trees look the same? What will happen if I never find my way back home?

To stop my mind from imagining a hypothermal death with awful frostbite wounds, I picture Tex waiting for me by the car. If that were true, I'd jump in his arms and press kisses all over his handsome face. His hair would have to endure some rough tugging and, well, since this is my fantasy, I'd make love to him so hot and heavy, the windows would get foggy.

I know it won't happen, but it provides me with enough warmth in my core to keep going. One step, two steps, three steps. Wait! Isn't that the log I sat on to tie my shoelaces? It's covered in snow, but the shelf fungus on the side is still visible.

Finally!

A frosty breath leaves my mouth when I spot the arrow-shapes sign pointing at the makeshift parking space. A short, stumbled run later, I'm inside the car.

As quick as my stiff fingers allow, I start the engine and turn the heater to full blast. The radio comes to live as well. The sappy tunes of some love balled fill the tiny space, making me feel a little less lonely. I un-glove my hands and hold them up in the stream of warm air.

"On a completely different note," the radio host begins, "the next song is basically an elaborate 'screw you' to anyone who did you one over. If you have bad feelings for your ex, listen to this new rage anthem called 'Flying High' by ... Dead Engines Running."

Sweet baby carrots!

My heart either stopped working or is beating so fast, I can't feel it. I've avoided every rock-related radio station out of fear of hearing him, but they've made it to this mainstream one.

I'm proud and incredibly worried. The announcement promises more heartache on my end. Surprisingly, the instrumental intro sounds cheerful. In my mind's eye, I see Axel, Joey and Tex rocking the stage while they play it. The happy vision fades as the chorus begins ...

I did not foresee,

You had me flying high.

I can not believe,

I wasted all this time.

This is my goodbye,

For fucking up my life.

Sweet dreams and good night,

'Cause I'll be doing fine.

This is the sign I've been waiting for. This is him saying he's done with me and moving on. The secret hope of a reunion I harbored deep within my soul withers and leaves me weeping like the saddest girl alive. Big tears roll down my cheeks while the voice I love so much sings words of resentment directed at me. I never knew the end would taste like vomit but that's probably because I'm sick to my stomach.

I deserve his scorn. How could I not? My love brought nothing good to his life. No, I brought death to his doorstep and let it nearly take him. My plan of calling of him was only to clear my own conscience of guilt. Selfish, again.

Still, I can't live like this. This frozen middle ground is killing me slowly. Since there's no way back, forward is the only way to go. It takes some real effort and a couple deep breaths for my cries to simmer but eventually, they do. Even soul-pain becomes manageable if you're exposed to a steady dosage on a daily basis.

I grab my phone—sighing gratefully for the returned service—and tap the green button. The dial tone rings twice.

"Ellie?"

"Hey, Jonathan." I swallow back a quiver. "Wouldyou still have me as your roommate?"

♡♡♡♡

A/N

I guess we're moving this story to the Wes-Coast 🤷🏻‍♀️😜

X Dionne