I felt a traitorous tear escape and I angrily wiped it away. Don't be a crybaby. No one likes a crybaby. Charlie won't like you if you're a whining crybaby.
More traitorous tears fell before I could stop them. Stop crying Lavender. Just stop.
I couldn't. They just kept coming and coming and I had no control to stop them.
I tried to get off Carlos so I wouldn't wet him and disturb his sleep but his arms just tightened around my waist every time I moved. I was able to remove it quickly enough to get off. He moved around trying to find me so he could cuddle me. I smiled at that thought. He found a pillow and settled down.
I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My cheeks had red marks on them. They weren't bruised. How weren't they bruised? Oh it must of been that wetness I felt this morning. Carlos must have put a cold compress on them to stop it from bruising.
My eyes were leaking with tears and I looked weak. I looked so weak. I was so weak. "Come on Lavender. Just smile."
I tried to smile but it crumpled and so did the walls I had built over my now exposed heart. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay with Carlos. I wanted to stay with my Carlos. He was going to take me away again. Candice is going to get him to take me away again. I don't wanna go back.
In the mirror, I saw a broken girl that used to be brimming with happiness and love but that was all taken away by a man that broke her trust.
I tried to smile again but it failed. I tried and tried and tried and tried. Each time it failed over and over and over again.
"Come on Lavender. Just smile. It's not that hard to smile. Stop being useless." I pointed at the mirror and slammed my other hand down on the side. It erupted in pain but I was already numb so I didn't feel it. "You're useless. So so so useless. Stop being a crybaby and smile."
I saw a figure approach me in the mirror. The angry and pitiful look on his face just made more tears escape. Come on Lavender. Don't burden Carlos with your stupid problems. Just smile and he'll think you're fine.
I turned around and smiled just how I planned too. It didn't crumble like before. It stayed perfect and full of the happiness I should of been full of.
"Hello C-Carlos. H-How did y-you sleep?." I looked down at my feet and wiggled my toes. I didn't want him to see the tears that threatened to leave my eyes.
Within an instant, I felt his large arms engulf my tiny figure. I was practically drowning in his heat. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist so I wouldn't fall. What was he doing? I looked at him confused.
"Lavender my sweet baby. Just let it out. Let it all out."
I knew what he meant and I did. I cried my heart out for the second time today in front of him. I was a blubbering mess. Sob after sob came out of my mouth. Snivel after snivel made my nose scrunch up. I cried all my worries and doubts out.
My fingers found its way to my arm and I began scratching. Trying to scratch enough that I wouldn't have to be like this anymore. Scratching enough that my skin would come off and I wouldn't have to look like a ugly fat person anymore.
I just want to be happy. I want to smile without it being fake half the time. I want to look in the mirror and see a beautiful young lady instead of a fat disgusting person. I want to be confident. I want to be like all the other girls. I want to be like Josie. I want to be like Candice. I want to be like all of them. Just not like me.
My hands were restrained and I couldn't move them. "Stop darling stop. Don't dare do that to yourself. Don't. Please stop. Lavender Stop." He begged and the hurt was evident on his voice.
I stared in his eyes and the sadness I felt while looking in them made me regret everything I just did. I made him sad. I ruined it.
"I-I'm s-s-sorry Carlos. I d-didn't mean t-to make y-you s-sad. I-I'm s-sorry."
His eyes softened and he cupped my cheeks in his hands. "Darling. The only reason I'm sad is because you think you're useless. You don't need to pretend to be alright. You don't need to fake a smile everyday. I don't want that. I want you to actually mean it with all your heart." He pointed at where my heart is and pulled my head up so I looked him directly in the eyes "So don't ever apologise. You are an amazing beautiful girl that any man would be lucky to have. I mean I'm one hell of a lucky man to even be talking to you. You're so wonderful that it makes me jealous. Don't ever think you're anything different because you're not."
He kissed my forehead and I cried. I cried again. But with appreciation this time. Because ,even if the things he just told me didn't completely mend the broken pieces of my soul and heart , it made me see exactly who he was. He was a man that I wanted to be in my life forever. A man that deserved the world and everything more. A man that ,even if he looked scary and mean , was actually a person that could make you feel and see things you would never expect to.
"Charlie. I-I don't w-wanna leave. I-I wanna s-stay here W-with you. I-I don't wanna g-go back t-there." My body shuddered at the mere thought of that place. It's the place all my nightmares are set. The place where every part of my life came crumbling down.
"Don't worry Angel. I will never let you go back there. Never."
I could see the honesty shining in his eyes and the small reassuring smile convinced me he was speaking the truth. I sent one back and this time I actually meant it as I had something that finally made me happy. I had Carlos. I had my Carlos.
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Just a little chapter before I go off to school☹️😉
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