Above & Beyond ✔

34. The Aftermath

"No, I did not."

"You kinda did."

He shook his head. "No. What I meant is that you acted as if you worked at a strip club. I was referring to the work atmosphere where sexual activities are more exposed and accepted there. Anyway, I don't have anything against strippers. They work to earn money just like the rest of us. Some of us are just not that lucky." He paused and glanced at me. "I didn't mean to offend you by insinuating that you're a stripper or something of the sort."

"Well, I was insulted," I said, still feeling the pinch of his harsh words. "I don't know what your problem is, but man were you too far."

Blake grimaced but instead of replying, he kept his mouth shut. After several minutes of silence, he cleared his throat.

"When I saw the hickey, I was pissed. It felt like you showed it off purposely because you wore your hair in a ponytail. People normally hide the mark, Jennifer, but you did quite the opposite. I didn't know how to think differently. Also, imagining someone did that to you, bothered me more than I was willing to admit."

I frowned, trying to understand what he was trying to say. "I don't fully understand, wait, were you...jealous?"

"Yes, I was." He sighed, turning his body to me. "I am."

"Oh." That was the only word I could muster. I was flabbergasted. After all this time, I was still not used to his straightforwardness. My head went blank, not knowing what to say or what to do, but I knew my stomach started to flutter.

"I know we've been doing well in keeping each other at arm's length to keep things professional. In the beginning, I was very sure what we had was just a sexual attraction, but now I'm not so sure anymore."

I gulped, feeling my throat go dry all of a sudden. I bent down to grab my water bottle from my bag on the car floor. Slowly, I drank the water until the imaginary dry lump in my throat subsided. Blake didn't say anything further but his eyes never left my face.

"Sorry, I got thirsty," I said after putting my bottle back in my bag.

"It's fine."

"I..." No matter how hard I was trying to fish a word out of my brain, I was still too stupefied to talk.

"I'm not going to go further with this because we know this is not what we need right now. But, anyway, it didn't justify what I did and said to you."

I blinked as my brain was trying to catch up. Was he trying to see that he wanted more?

No matter how strong the attraction that pulled me into him, I just didn't want to throw myself back into vulnerability. I'd learned that casual hookup might work for me, but with him, it would never be casual. He was too intense, too dangerous. I just couldn't trust myself around him.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you today, Jennifer." Blake's deep voice pulled me out of my little bubble.

I shifted my eyes to meet his dark eyes. Part of me wanted to make him suffer longer by pinning him more into his guilt, but the sincerity in his voice started to break my walls. I shook my head. "This is weird."

"What is?"

"That you're apologizing after throwing harsh words at me. I've heard worse things about you and what you did to those post-grad students. Blake Andrew never apologizes."

"I don't need to when I'm right."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you know what labels they made for the professors at the Assessment Center?"

"They made labels?"

"Yes. Mrs. Sue the opportunist, Mr. Walter the friendly guy next door, Mrs. White the wise grandma, and Mr. Andrew the pain in the ass."