Above & Beyond ✔

51. My Childhood Crush

Trudging on the gravel pathway that led to Sam's backyard, my mind was still stuck with the conversation I had with Susie. I couldn't blame her for what she felt, nor hate her for deceiving me for years. Deep down, I knew she was a good person. It was just my luck to be on her bad side because of my connection to Dean.

When I reached the backyard, Dean was sitting on the porch steps, eyes fixed on the phone in his hand. Both his elbows were on his knees with one leg bouncing restlessly. His dirty blond was disheveled yet he continuously ran his fingers through it, and he stopped abruptly once he saw me approaching.

Dean's confession still felt unreal. If it happened twelve years ago, I would have danced on the street and announced it to the whole neighborhood. Even if he did it several months ago before Blake and I agreed to hook up, I would probably have considered reliving my long-lost crush. But the timing was not in his favor right now.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"Fine." I flopped down next to him.

"She didn't say anything to provoke you, did she?"

"Nope."

"Good. I was scared you two would go into a catfight out there."

I rolled my eyes. "We aren't teenagers."

Dean glanced at my face nervously. "How do you feel?"

I frowned, trying to find the correct word to reply to him. "Confused, I guess." I bit the inside of my cheek, thinking about how to start the talk. I extended my legs forward and brushed my bangs with my hand. "How long has this been going on, Dean?"

After turning off his screen, Dean slipped his phone into his back pocket. He brought his elbows back on his knees and sighed. "Long enough."

"You're not answering my question."

He turned his head to me and his green eyes locked with mine. "Remember your first day assisting at the laboratory?" Dean waited until I nodded. "I offered to take you home, right? I was about to talk about it with you. About me and Susie, about why we broke up, and to find out if what she said about us was right."

"Oh."

"You turned down my offer, and later on, I saw you and him in front of your flat, looking cozy..." Dean's voice faltered.

I frowned, remembering every detail that happened that evening. "Why didn't you say you wanted to talk? I would have left with you."

"Well, I was planning to but since you said you still had the stuff to do, I thought I would wait outside. I didn't know you planned to go home with him."

"No, I didn't plan it," I replied. "He came to the laboratory after you left and offered me a lift."

"You said no to me." Dean scowled, looking hurt.

"Because you already spent too much time helping out with the car. I didn't want to create another problem with Susie," I reasoned. "I had no idea you two had broken up."

"Hmm." Dean pursed his lips, looking up at the blue sky that was partly covered by fluffy clouds. "It didn't matter, did it? You were with him anyway. Even if we went out for a talk, it wouldn't do anything. I would've just made a fool of myself."

I bit my upper lip, considering if I should tell him the truth. And I did. "I wasn't with him that day. Not yet. I mean, we fooled around but I hadn't decided to date him exclusively."

Dean dropped his head. "Why didn't you tell me that night when we talked in your room?"

"I could ask you that same question about you and Susie," I replied, glaring at him. I pinched the bridge of my nose. "God, this is so messed up."