Red vs Blue x Male OC / Season 2

S2 • E13 - Me, Myself, and You

Caboose's head
Church and Tex inside Caboose's head, with mental images of Caboose and Tucker.

Caboose: "I see, so you're from the outside. That's where the other is from as well."

Church: "The other? Wait you mean O'Malley? Have you seen him?"

Mental image of Church appears behind Caboose.

Mental image of Church: "Of course he's seen him, you idiot! You think Mister Caboose would miss something like that, you skeezy douche bag fuck?!"

Church: "Alright, hold on a second. Who the hell are you?"

Mental image of Church: "My name is Church, butt wiping ass munch!"

Church: "This guy is kind of an asshole." He whispered to Tex.

Tex: "Yeah, we've met."

Mental image of Church: "And I'm Caboose's best friend, so don't get any ideas about kissing up, you lip licking fuck suck!"

Church: "Okay, there's a lot of stuff in that sentence that I didn't like."

Tex: "Just play along, Church. We're gonna need these guys if we're gonna find O'Malley."

Tucker: "I'm gonna go look for girls!" he leaves now.

Church: "Fine, whatever."

Caboose: "If you want to find O'Malley, I suggest we talk to the reds first. He tried to recruit them against me early on. Ash should be negotiating with them as we speak."

Church: "The reds? The reds are in here? Ash too?!"

Cut to the real world. Grif and Donut next to the sideways jeep

Grif: Are you sure you left the part in there?

Donut: Hmm, think so. Wait, yes! No. Wait, wait wait wait. Mmmmmmmmm, I think so.

Grif: "Alright, lets retrace your steps. You said it was the Tuesday before Simmons and Sarge got blown up that you were last in the Warthog, right?" He sighed.

Donut: "Right. I know it was Tuesday because that's the day I wash my underwear. And since I don't like letting my armor touch my bare skin, on account of I chafe real easily, I remember thinking "Where can I hang out with no pants on?"

Grif: "Oh God!"

With the Blues
Lopez and Ash, as well as Tucker driving Sheila heading towards the red base to turn off their radios.

Tucker: "Okay well, looks like we're close enough. Now if I could just find the brakes on this thing. Ah, it must be this button."

Sheila: "Do not touch that button."

Tucker: "Oh, sorry. Hmm, maybe it's this one!"

Sheila: "Do not touch me."

Tucker: "You know, for a girl your size, you're kinda sensitive."

Ash: "Why did I get assigned here again?" He asked himself.

Back with the reds at the Jeep.

Grif: "I cannot take anymore of this."

Donut: "So after I clipped my toenails, I was gonna apply the ointment as recommended. But I don't know, it just smelled really funny. So, I decided to taste it, just to make sure it was safe."

Grif: "That's it! I'm committing suicide." he finally runs off.

Donut: "Hey! I didn't finish retracing my steps yet. You don't even know what I did about the boil on my thigh."

Grif: He stops and looks off into the distance. "Oh crap!"

He sees Lopez, Ash, Sheila and Tucker approaching'. Grif then runs back and quickly takes cover behind the jeep

Donut: "Hey you're back! So where was I? Oh yeah, I lanced it. Disgusting!" He said making creeped out noises.

Grif: "Not now, rookie! There's a giant tank out there that's about to steamroll right over us!"

Donut: "What?!" He hops up and down to see over the jeep and sees Sheila approaching) Oh God it's true! I'm totally freaking out! I'm freaking out!" he then runs around in circles.

Back with the Blues

Tucker: "Oh my God. I can't believe Caboose is smart enough to drive this thing and I'm not! Sheila how the fuck do I slow you down?

Ash: "It's the throttle retard."

Tucker: "What throttle? This throttle?"

Sheila: "Retard the controller."

Tucker: "You mean this thing? What're you talking about, I'm so confused!"

Zeta then appears on Sheila's Dashboard.

Zeta: "The controller, retard!"

Tucker: "Hey that's kinda insulting." Sheila repeats the word "retard" over and over as they approach Red base. "Oh, come on. Now you're just being mean."

Sheila, Zeta, and Ash: "...retard."