Red vs Blue x Male OC / Season 2

S2 • E3 - Red vs. Bleu

The Reds and Blues are not shooting at each other. Sarge is addressing Church.

Sarge: "We are giving you a chance to surrender!"

Grif: "There's no way this bluff is gonna work."

Sarge: "Put a cork in it, Fast Eddie. There's positively no way they know we're outta ammo."

Cut to the Blues.

Church: "Yeah, they're definitely outta ammo... Looks like you called it Tex."

Ash: He yells at the reds. "What're your terms?!"

Tucker: "Their what?"

Cut to the Reds.

Grif: "Our what?"

Simmons: "I can't believe this is actually working. See if we can get Lopez back, Sarge."

Grif: "Oh yeah. 'Cause then he can fix the Warthog."

Donut: "Oo oo, Sarge - tell them we want the flag."

Grif: "Yeah, and some cake!"

Donut: "Ooh... Wait wait Sarge, just the cake."

Sarge: "Alright, Blues! First off! We want your flag-!"

Simmons: "Wait wait wait just a second. The last time we got the flag, the chick in the black armor showed up and Ash could've turned us all into sushi."

Sarge: "...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag! But we do want our mechanized droid guy back!"

Church: "Uh oh."

Sarge: "You may know him as Señor El Roboto!"

Cut to the Blues.

Tex: "Well, Church, what's it gonna be?" She asked with a smirk.

Church: "Chingado, no way. I'm not giving back my body. I just got this thing."

Sarge: "And don't think you can keep his nuts! Or bolts, or other mechanical parts you may have!"

Church: Uh.. Uh, he's not here any more!

Tucker: Yeah, he left! He was all like "Sayonara!" and then he just took off!

Ash: "That's not Spanish Tucker, that's French."

Church: "Hey Wait. Let's try this: Hey, Reds! How about a medic?! Would you take a medic as a hostage?!"

Doc: A hostage? But I'm supposed to go over there.

Cut to the Reds.

Simmons: "Meh, that sounds pretty good to me."

Grif: I don't know, I think we can hold out for more.

Simmons: "We don't have any bullets, dumbass."

Grif: "Oh, right. Take the medic. The medic's a good deal."

Cut to the Blues.

Church: Hey, Doc. How's the patient?

Doc: "Doing well. He seems very alert and responsive."

Tucker: "He's talking about Caboose, right?" He asked them gets punched in the arm by Ash. "Ow!"

Church: "No, I mean his toe. How's the toe I shot?"

Doc: "What, that thing? That fell off like half an hour ago."

Caboose: He talks in a sad voice. "Rest in peace, pinkie toe..." he then speaks in O'Malleys' voice. "You shall be avenged!" He said and Tex grew more suspicious. She looks at Ash who nods.

Doc: He sighs. "Tell you what... Go ahead and send me over. I really don't think I can be any more help."

Church: "Okay! We're gonna send over our medic! Now what do we get?!"

Simmons: "You?! You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!"

Tucker: "We've already got that! What else do you have?!"

Sarge: "What do you want?!"

Church: "How about if you admit that the Red Team sucks?!"

The Reds mutter to themselves for a moment.

Sarge: "What if we admit that one of us sucks?!"

Grif: "NICE. Wait, you mean Donut, right?"

The screen blacks out and shows "two hours later" in white letters, then returns to the Blues.

Church: "Okay then! We agree to the terms?! You first, and then we send over the medic!"

Sarge: Get on with it, Grif.

Grif: He lets out a grunting sigh. "I would just like to let everyone know.. that I suck!"

Ash: "And?!"

Grif: "And that I'm a girl!"

Tucker: "What else!?"

Grif: "And I like ribbons in my hair! And I want to kiss all the boys!"

Ash, Tex, Tucker, and Church are trying to hold their laughter in the background.

Sarge: "This may be the best surrender of all time."

Simmons: "Okay, is that good enough?!"

Church: "Yeah!l he turns to Doc. "Alright, go ahead Doc."

Doc runs over to the Reds.

Grif: Man, I really hope you're worth this.

Doc: "Can I ask you a question? Do they put something in the water here?"

Grif: "Water? We ran outta water six months ago."

Doc: "No water.. Then what do you drink?"

Grif: "Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual."

Sarge: "I only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or a Sarsaparilla. Grenadine, straight from the can. Deeelicious. ...Oh, occasionally I do enjoy a 'Sex on the Beach.' Or a piña colada." He then begins singing. "If you like piña coladas, hengh! Gettin' caught in the rain, hengh! And you're not in to yoga, engh! Grif just has half a brain, ungh."