We Were There: Emmeline's Story

Realizations

I nodded, motioning around the room as I admitted, "I'm just not used to this." I picked up my foamy drink, smelling the hoppy aroma. I inhaled deeply before I took a swig.

He nodded in understanding. "It's tough, I know," he said, swallowing a gulp of beer, "Especially when you're kind of like the third wheel."

"Third wheel?" I repeated in honest confusion, nearly choking on my drink. What could he possibly mean by that, I wondered.

He gulped his beer again, stating, "I mean...don't misunderstand me but you're nothing like the other nurses." His eyes drifted over and lingered on the girls who were being flirty, fun, and dancing the night away with the men. I looked down at my hands I folded in my lap, knowing he was right. He turned his gaze back to me, realizing what he insinuated, and quickly added, "That's not a bad thing!"

I met his gaze, staring at him in disbelief. "How can that not be a bad thing? I mean," I glanced back over to the girls, "I'm nothing like them, Web."

He reached forward, placing a warm hand over mine. "I know," he confessed, "That's what makes you, you."

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I asked the question I didn't really want the answer to but asked anyway, "What about the others?"

He cocked his head at me confused. "What do you mean? What others?"

"I mean..." I swallowed my nerves, forcing myself to continue the question, "do the other men think the same things about me? Do they not like me like the other girls because I'm so different - because I'm not fun?" I asked, my voice drifting into the void as I lost my nerve. I felt perhaps my questions didn't make any sense or if they did, I sounded like a petulant child.

Webster replied, "You're like our sister, Em. We want to make sure you're okay."

I scoffed. "Sister? So, is that why none of the men ask me to these things? Why none of them ask me to dance or get a drink?" I was hurt by the truth. I wanted nothing more than to be accepted and loved like the others and it pained me to think I was never going to experience that.

He nodded with a shrug. "I guess so, sure."

I started to stand up. I needed to leave. I could feel the tears forming and stinging behind my eyes, as they threatened to fall. I did not want the men to see me cry.

Webster bolted to his feet, grabbing my wrist to keep me from leaving. He pleaded, "Wait. What's wrong?" He studied my face, concern washing over his expression. 

I tried to keep it together as I asked with an unsteady voice, "Why do you invite me to these things? Why are you always keeping me company? Do you feel that badly for me?" He couldn't be that daft at knowing why I was upset.

"It's not a pity thing, Emmeline. I like you," he tried to say. He released his hold, letting his hand fall to his side as he repeated, "I just...like you. You're different from the others. I'm trying to figure you out." His eyes darted about my face, searching for something to make sense of what happened.

I gave him a curt nod. "Excuse me." I felt the tears welling up again. I turned quickly, walking out of the mess hall as fast as my feet could manage.

I was heartbroken to discover none of the men in the Company and possibly the entire Division saw me as anything else but a sister. It hurt me to hear how they were never going to ask me to dance or grab a drink as they did with the others. They were never going to speak to me or look at me the way they did with the other nurses. It only added to my insecurities and overwhelming feelings about myself - I simply wasn't worthy of anyone's affections.

I was so wrapped up in my own mind I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking. I could feel the hot tears streaming down my face as I walked in the chilly night air. When I came to the edge of the camp, I stopped, feeling my body betray me as it started to bend over as the sobs racked my body. I didn't understand why this bothered me so much when I didn't have a reason.