Ashes Blow Away

Chapter Thirteen

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: REFLECTION

Days blur into weeks. I am entirely occupied now, my hunger quenched in both ways, thanks to Peeta.

People stop annoying us so much. My mother stops calling so much. I am thankful for this. I have tried my best to connect to her, but it seems we will just never be one.

I stop seeing Haymitch so much. He tells us he's ill and stops visiting completely, and even I don't believe him. But oh well, the more time I have to spend with Peeta, the better.

Gradually, I become less prude, to the point where I can change in the same room as him or shower with him. It's kind of nice.

What is also nice, is the way my heart speeds up every time he even so much as touches me.

Then there's the baby thing. After a while, he begins to hint about it everyday. Things like, oh, isn't Annie's baby Isaac the cutest thing? Yeah. I try to ignore him because I plan not to budge. We are nineteen, too young to even think about babies - and the fact is, I won't ever be ready.

" Peeta! Won't you just stop talking about it?" I ask him one day. " You're making me feel guilty."

He looks at me then, with those unbearably sad eyes, and says, " Just think about it, Katniss. That's all I'm asking."

" No!" I say, so sharply and coldly that Peeta flinches. " If you wanted kids so bad then maybe you should've found another wife.

And with that, I stomp out of the house, finding my way to the woods.

Dreams of Prim still come back to haunt me. And Peeta still has his moments. It is a bleak and rainy day when I make the call to Dr Aurelius.

" Peeta had another episode last night," I say quietly, holding my husband close.

The doctor asks me to put him on loud speaker, which I do. He then says in a very grave voice, " Unfortunately, Peeta will most likely never fully recover from the venom. He is bound to have the episodes all throughout his life."

" So there's nothing we can do?" I ask helplessly.

His final answer is "no".

Peeta and I cry it out, and in the morning, we lift our heads and smile.

He tilts my chin up and looks me straight in the eye. " Katniss, I promise I'm going to fight this. I will never lay a hand on you. I'm going to make myself better."

" You're already perfect," I assure him.

Then of course, there's the "you got your happily ever after" thing that I get on a permanent basis. If not through words, through facial expressions. People think they know everything about us, but they don't.

Because I didn't get my happy ending. If I did, I would still have Prim and I wouldn't have been in the Games and my father wouldn't have died. But there is nothing I can do to change the past or bring them back. I can, however, change the present, and so each moment that I am here I should be thankful. For Peeta and for health and for Haymitch.

So, no, I didn't get my happy ending - but I did get an ending. Finnick didn't. Prim didn't. I am lucky. I have a husband and I still have my life. I have to be sure to live everyday to the fullest, for those I have lost.

So, basically, life is boring. But I find that I like it that way.

Just a quick note! Please go check out my new After Mockingjay FanFiction! This Fanfiction is far from over, but I wanted to start another.

It's called The Hunger Games: Rekindling.