The Memory Jar [Zayn Malik]

Chapter 21: Finding

           By the end, a tear drips from the corner of my eye, and I hastily wipe it away. I hate having people see me cry, and I don't want Marcel to pity me. 

           Marcel hands me a napkin as he speaks, which I cautiously dab at my eyes with. "Family should be one of the most important things in a person's life, Dana," he says slowly. "It was certaintly wrong of those boys to rob you of that and pretend they were your own, but it was also wrong of your brother and father to push you like that after you've been through so much. But they've both become your family, haven't they? And now you've gone and left them all. What if running isn't good, what if you need them all?" 

             I sniffle quietly and look down at the shining tables, seeing a blurred reflection of myself. Here I am, just a girl who got caught up in all the wrong things. But what if Marcel's right, what if they're actually good, in a way, what if I need them all? 

            "I miss them all," I say. "I really do. But after all this, I can't go back to any of them. I don't know how to handle this, I'm not strong enough." 

             Marcel gently reaches across the table and takes my hands in his, forcing my eyes to meet his blue ones. "You're beyond strong Dana," he says firmly. "You have suffered through so much in your life. You lived on the streets for years, you were almost killed, you lost your memory, you fell in love-" 

               After he says 'love', I can barely hear him anymore. He's right, I fell in love, I'm still in love. But you can't choose between so many loves, you can't choose between a family bond type of love, and a romantic love of your life type of love. 

                So I can't choose either. 

               A small gust of wind sweeps into the bakery and blows my hair back. Marcel and I both look to the door to see a woman step inside, violet heels clicking against the tile. She's wearing a matching dress that comes just above her knees, and hugs her body in all the right places. A pair of black shades cover her eyes, despite the fact that it's a cloudy London day, and her hair is in loose waves like when I saw her last. 

              It's the woman came to the house searching for me, the woman who abandoned my family when we needed her most, the woman I've longed to be in my life again and be the person she's supposed to be.

                The woman is my mother. 

            "Dana!" She cries gleefully, pulling off her sunglasses and sending Marcel an overly bright smile. "I had a feeling I'd find you here, mother's intuition you know!" 

              My heart almost stops in my chest. I don't know if I should be pleased that she's here or upset, so I settle for a little of both. I've been longing for her to be back in my life, especially now when I have no one else, yet part of me has as much distaste for her as everyone else. 

                "Mum... what are you doing here?" I choke out as Marcel releases my hands. 

             Mum. The word sounds so foreign to say, I haven't let it pass between my lips in ages. Not since I was probably fifteen or sixteen, when she left our family behind without even looking back.

           She walks over and motions for me to stand. As I cautiously do, she wraps her skinny arms around me in a surprisingly firm hug. 

             "I'm here to finally take you home, silly!" She smiles and kisses my cheek, most likely leaving a lipstick mark that feels sticky on my face. 

                "Wha-" I try to say, before she cuts me off. 

           "After that rude group of boys your were staying with kicked me out, I decided that I wasn't going to rest until I found you again," she elaborates. "I don't care how famous they are, they can't keep my daughter away from me!"

             My heart swells to hear that she's been searching for me. Someone who honestly wants and misses me, someone who's made a real effort to be my true family again, even after making mistakes. I've longed for a real mother for so long now, I can't help but be overjoyed that my old one is back. 

            "Come along now, we don't have all day," she chuckles, beginning to head back to the door again. 

              "Wait," I say slowly. "You want me to come live with you?" 

              She nods eagerly, still grinning widely. It's a surprise her face hasn't split in half from it yet. "Of course! I'm your mother, it's only my duty to take care of my daughter, of course!" 

               I look back at Marcel to see he looks pale and grave, but he seems to know better than to say anything. Something in his face tells me that he doesn't agree with this, and that begins to get me thinking as well.

              "You left us," I point out cautiously, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "You abandoned Ben, Dad, and I. Why do you want me back so badly all of a sudden?" 

            She pouts her lips and shakes her head. "I only left because I thought it was for the best Dana," she says, looking quite hurt and sad. "I didn't want things to be harder for Ben and you, with David and I fighting all the time. Now I see though, you need me more than ever now. Those five boys practically kidnapped you after all, they lied to you, and now you're right back where you started! Instead of living on the streets again, or being surrounded by people who keep such big secrets, wouldn't you rather live with me? Your real mother?" 

             My mind is racing. She's right, I'm surrounded by liars just about everywhere I turn. Everyone except for Emma and Marcel, but I can't go to either of them, they barely know me. And I certaintly can't go back to the boys or Ben and Dad, not without being hurt even more and suffering. 

              After all, Marcel did say that I've suffered enough. It's time to give myself a break finally, right? 

            "Okay," I finally say, nodding and taking a step towards her. "You're right. I can't be with any of them again, I'll come stay with you... My mum." 

              A victory ignites in her eyes, but I only ignore it. I'm too caught up thinking bout the fact that I'm going to have an actual mother taking care of me to care. 

          This is it. This is the moment I've been waiting for, to be reunited with real family again. I mumble a quiet goodbye to Marcel, and he only hugs me in response, still remaining mute.

            "Just one more thing," I hesitate once we're outside the bakery, before pulling the iPod out of my pocket, the one Zayn gave to me. 

          I can't have it on me anymore. It hurts too much, it serves as too large of a reminder of everything that's happened. So I throw it on the ground, before forcefully stepping on it, creating a large crack that webs from the middle to the edges. 

               "I'm sorry Zayn," I whisper, before trailing after my mother down the street to her car. 

            I've spent so much time searching. For what, I'm not sure, but now I think I may have finally found whatever it is. I'm with my mother again, I've gotten away from everyone and everything that's hurt me so recently, so maybe it finally has been found. 

             Maybe I can finally fix myself.

            The last thing I lay my eyes on as we pull away down the street, is the dim reflection of light, bouncing off of the broken iPod lying on the cement. 

             'You're going home Dana,' I think to myself as I lean back and rest my head against the cool leather seat. 'You're going home.'