your glorious indifference

when i say i am my mother's child

when i say i am my mother's child:

i mean i am the youngest, the last remaining cells after three that came before me. i mean that when i left my mother's womb, i took with me the rest of the sanity that she kept in her bones. i mean we have the same eyes like withered flowers. i mean my mother never saw me cry. i mean we never had compatibility as a mutual friend. i mean we both have the same fury that is brought every year to us by the Amazon rains. i mean that neither of us really know how to demonstrate. i mean that when my mother looks at me, she grieves the person i never had the courage to become. i mean that we use withdrawal as an act of love. i mean i can still see the child in her with broken dreams. i mean that i don't think this is the life my mother had planned for herself. i mean that we both know about the unjust and cruel figure of speech that life is. i mean that since a very early age, my mother taught me to kneel and pray to a god who never even knew my name. i mean that even to this day, she still thinks i am too skeptical. i mean that my mother's shoulders have been heavy and her eyes have been tired for years now. i mean that she has seen the ugliest this world has to offer and nowadays she prefers to keep quiet. i mean that my mother made me like this, always in conflict. i mean that we hurt the same in so many ways. i mean that my mother is a quiet beast while i have always been all about showing my claws, my teeth. i mean that we are terrible in choosing who we're going to love. i mean that we tear our skin for entertainment. i mean that my mother hates looking in the mirror and despite everything, i don't want to see her cry. i mean that maybe having bought a one way ticket to the furthest town i knew the name of was a good thing. i mean that my mother and i are alike in so many ways as much as we hate to admit it. i mean that she still talks through the looks she gives me and says: "you were such a good, kind child. what happened to you? what happened to you?". i mean that up to this day i still don't know an answer to that.