✏ 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬.

𝐊𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐥 𝐊𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐠

→ this ones for my fellow manhwa readers
  
  
 
 
 
  
Technoblade has committed Sun Tzu’s art of war to memory, which makes him skilled in the total destruction of slimy degenerates and cheating bastards.

Bound to a system where he’s forced to traverse different realities and dimensions, he is to assume the place of the second-male lead that is soon to be disposed of, and turn the tides in his favour, pacifying any lingering ire manifested by said second-male lead character. A mission can last as long as a day to a decade, but it depends on whether the agent is absolutely itching for a golden grade or not.

Once completing what the system wants of him, Techno will be awarded accordingly depending on the grade he’d received for his mission from items he can use in following missions to currency for Gacha machines.

In short, it means that he’s rewarded for fucking with scum.

And to make it as laconic as possible, Techno absolutely adores it.

To top it all off, the GUI takes the form of an amicable man the size of a teacup, blonde and the host to a terribly contagious laugh, on his back boasts a pair of gossamer wings and his head a striped green bucket hat. His name is Phil, and he’s one of the best people out there. He’s been with Techno through thick and thin; his first mission where things were as confusing as ten different songs being played at once, and till now. He serves as his moral compass in most of these missions, which sometimes gets annoying but it’s nice to retain a bit of humanity.

Now, they’ve just been assigned a new mission; « Kartoffel Krieg. »

It’s an old fairy tale where the moral of the story is to never give up even when things are dire. Here, he’ll play as a royal boar whose cunning and powerful but too ambitious, and due to a sleight of hand, fails to produce a billion potatoes before his competitor, Squid Kid. In the end, it’s hinted that it was baked to a golden crisp and served to the newly kinged Squid Kid. A rather grim ending for a fairy tale, and apparently grim enough to spark enough rage for the system to recognise it. 

As somewhat of a pig, Techno feels inclined to accept this mission, and that the higher-ups thought it would be a funny joke presenting this to him, which it wasn’t. Techno would actually consider this as something as a ‘dick move’.

Techno reads the case file once more, picking apart the entire blue static panel with careful eyes. It’s rated at a B- for difficulty, and the estimated time in the world is around a year. The case sounds relatively easy, but it sounds like an awful pain in the neck. He’ll be forced to sink his pristine leather boots in mud (or trotters in this case), till land and plant potatoes for a year until he harvests a billion of them before some random squid. What a pain in the neck.

Phil, upon reading the synopsis, jokes, “Techno, it’s your brother!”

Techno jokingly cries, “No! Not my brother!” and he hangs his ears low, imitating a sad rabbit. “Now I’ve really got to get an SSS+ Grade. For my people.”

Pointing at the picture of the roasted pig, Phil says, “You gotta turn him into fried calamari, mate.”

“Good shout, Phil.”

The only qualm he has with this other than the mind-numbingly tedious farming is the aspects of being an animal. He’s part pig but he walks on two legs and you can barely notice the whole pig nature of his if you overlook his legs and his ears, so the prospect of him having to walk on all four is quite daunting. And not to mention tilling land without actual hands.

“So, do I have to walk on all four or?”

Phil assures him that it’s not his biggest fear. “No. The boar is bi-pedal in all illustrations so you’ve nothing to worry about.”

“Except not having hands to actually till the land?”

“Don’t worry, the world will warp to where this can actually be plausible outside of paper disregarding the whole.. Animal thing.”

Techno smiles. That’ll make things smooth sailing. “Pog.”

Whatever this operation is, it’s gonna be an experience. Techno has assumed the role of a gladiator fighting against a vicious beast, a deity summoned to a land wreck with war and havoc, a single man who’s conquered the entire world, but never an actual pig. Well technically he plays as a royal pig, so it’s an upgrade from just a regular swine that rolls around in mud. He'd better reap rewards sublime and great enough to drown him.

“So you’re accepting the mission, right?”

Techno dismisses the blue panel by hitting the cancel button. “Yep. Warp me out, Phil.”
 
 
 
  
  
  
[ pls vote. haha]