Indulging With The Beast (ON-HOLD)

Kabanata 2

I'm in my bed right now, I can't think right. Kanina pa ako pagulong-gulong dito. Simula pagka-uwi ko.

That model thing still bothering me. Hindi ako nakasabay sa hapunan. I'm sure galit si, Papa, pero wala talaga akong gana. I need to think right. I dream to be a model that was my biggest dream in life. Aside from being a writer.

What if I tell this to, Papa. I'm sure he can give me an advise.

Papa is not strict at all. He supported me in every decision I made. He knew that there's something wrong about my sexuality.

When I grew older, he confirmed it to his self. He confronted me, and I confessed to him. I'm glad that he accepted me right away. He never questioned my sexuality. Masaya pa nga siya na bakla ako, e. He's been good to me at all, he treated me as his baby girl. He spoiled me that much.

He bought me girly stuffs and I was very happy at that moment.

Nakaya akong buhayin ni Papa. Kaming dalawa na lang kasi ang magkasama. My Mother died when I was little. Papa didn't mentioned how my Mama died. Ang alam ko lang ay Italian ang lahi ni Mama. She's an Italian actress, 'yan lang mga alam ko na sinabi ni Papa.

May katuwang naman kami sa buhay si Auntie Millie, bunsong kapatid ni Papa.

Papa is an engineer. Kaya minsan ako lang ang naiiwan sa bahay, kasi there are times na sobrang busy niya. But he always make that i'm his number one priority.

Kaya masasabi kong may kaya kami, because of my Papa. Napag-aral niya ako sa University na gusto ko. Sa university na bumabagabag sa aking isip.

I'm a cross dresser, Papa dont mind. Actually he's the one who insist to dress me like a girl. Siya pa nga nabili ng mga damit ko, with the help of Auntie Millie.

My phone beep twice, I didn't take a glance to it. Alam ko kung sino ang nag-text. Napapikit na lang ako at tinakpan ang mukha ko ng unan.

My co-officers. Pinipilit pa rin nila ako sa bagay na 'yon. Naguguluhan pa ako, I don't have an answer. Can they please let me think first. Nakaka-pressure ang mga ito.

Napadilat ako ng may kumatok. “Blaise, anak. Kumain kana, 'wag kang magpalipas ng gutom.” Si Papa sa labas ng pinto.

'Di ako sumagot. I really need to tell him my problem. Babangon na sana ako nang pumihit na ang door knob. Sumiwang na at iniluwa noon si Papa. He's tired. I can see it through his eyes.

“Anak, may problema ba?” pumasok na ng tuluyan si Papa. Umupo siya sa may gilid ng kama ko.

Binigyan ko siya ng pagod na ngiti bago nagsalita.

“Yes, Papa,” ani ko.

“What is it? It looks like a big problem.” Papa said and he caressed me on my cheeks.

“It is, Pa. It bothers the hell out of me.” I demanded.

“Mind to tell me? Maybe I can help?” he said and flashed his warm smile. I should tell him.

Tahimik lang na nakinig si Papa sa mga hinaing ko. He just let me explained the whole problem and why i'm like this. He was their listening carefully, sometimes he just nod and smiles to me.

“That's all?” He asked after my long rants.

I just nodded at him.

“I'm not stopping you, Blaise. If it is your dream, why not? Gawin mo kung ano ang gusto mo. But also, know your limitations. 'Di naman kita pinagbabawalan. Basta kung ano ang magpapasaya sayo doon ako.” Naluluha ako sa tinuran ni Papa.