Child Of The Future

Episode 28: If I Could Love You A Little More

               What the heck am I even thinking about?

               I know the first time is supposed to hurt, simply because of virgin type issues, and after a while, after a few lessons from my perverted best friend, it's supposed to be like heaven, and I'd believe her, because when Carl touched me, just the start, catching my bodies attention towards that kind of feeling, it did feel sensational...but, fvck...It's kind of unnerving me to think about actually doing it now.

               Well...yeah because I think I'm actually thinking now and not just going with how I felt.

               The hardness and heat that I was led to imagine so long ago when I first learned about sex...it was nothing like what I felt only minutes ago when Carl was pressing himself on me.

               For one, it was real, not just imagination to fill in those stupid empty gaps of wonder, and two, it was...scary but, erotic. Tempting, and igniting even if it was making me nervous. For a split second, I didn't have anything else on my mind except Carl and how desperate I was to make him mine. To fully belong to him in that moment and for ages afterwards.

               But I can't even find the strength to continue what I was about to let happen. What I encouraged when I pulled Carl back to kiss me the way we both wanted to. Damm, it was like something let go of all my second thoughts and curiosities creating boundaries to keep from giving in to the fact that I'm crazy about this guy and I want him, just as much and especially more so than before.

               "Here." I feel the soft material of a towel press against my back before I turn to see and hear Carl get out of the tub, wrapping his own cloth around his toned out stomach, flexing a bit to show me a slightly defined 6 pack on his slender pale stomach, possibly more clear because of the lighting, and his muscular arms make me want to pull him back but I don't. I just shut my fvcking mouth and watch him grab another towel for his hair, noticing he's too embarrassed to look at me while his cheeks are so red I can spot it in even this dim light.

               I'd be embarrassed too. Well, I am. So embarrassed that I'm actually pissed off, not even a little, a lot, but I'm also frustrated. Looking at his prominent shoulder blades that resemble those of a slender big cat are making him appear especially attractive because of the shadows on his body.

               He's so slim even though he's got some muscles. Fvck, how is that even possible or compatible? And...his profile, his strong chest, his navel, lean structure...he's so beautiful it's artistic. Ideal but something never imagined before. Nobody could've thought up a more perfect being. Something, like a prince or, a precious jewel in this dirty sand filled world, overgrown but not strong enough to hide how special Carl is.

               How unique.

               Shaking my head at the idiocy it just materialized as thoughts, I wrap myself up and stand before hiding altogether and press my wet toes onto the cool floor, little puddles forming under my skin while I slowly walk over and stare at Carl's broadening young back, his long messy hair, damp and sexy with how rough he massaged his scalp earlier.

               I thought I'd be here, running away from him or screaming at him to get out like I finally remembered what the heck was going on and would make Carl leave or something, maybe also flipping out at the image of him on his knees in the tub, naked with the water only going up to his lower hip exposing his flat stomach and v-lines, and most of his sex, cause like I remember, the first time I saw a guys penis it freaked the fvck out of me and I cringed at the way it looked, but I'm not plagued with it in this moment.