addiction - draco malfoy

sixty

i spent the entire day building up to it, working in a varying range of crying fits. i had to make it believable. draco had said he would watch a movie with me, and i deliberately chose one that both reminded me of emma and had drugs in it. i needed something to start the conversation.

i waited until about halfway through before i started crying silently again, hoping he would notice. he did, turning to instantly wipe them away. 'sorry' i sniffed 'this movie reminds me of emma'.
'don't apologise' he said quickly 'it's okay'. i watched on screen as they emptied the pills out into this hand and i turned to him gingerly. 'draco-'
'no' he said almost immediately 'you're not'
'i could dream walk to her. like i did to find you' i reasoned. 'elizabeth, have you been dropped on the head? emma will murder me when she comes back. you know she wouldn't want that'.
'if she comes back' i muttered.
'don't think like that' he sighed, 'you have to believe that she will'.
'do you believe that she will?' i asked. he faltered for a minute before nodding brightly. 'emma wouldn't let you down. of course she will'.

i sighed, lying back on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. 'i don't see why you won't just give me some, anything. just enough to see her. i could literally save her'.
'elizabeth' draco said sternly 'just stop it with the hero complex. maybe it's shitty to say it, but i care about you more than i care about emma. you're not getting drugs off me, end of, so just drop it'. i glared at him, earlier in the day my anger at him had been fake. of course i hadn't actually expected him to be able to understand what it was like to lose a best friend, but this was the first time since emma had gone i felt like he wasn't even trying to understand.

'lily's alone in the dorm. i'm going to sleep there' i said abruptly, standing up and grabbing my stuff. 'elizabeth-' draco started, but i didn't really want to hear it, slamming out of the dorm before he got a chance to finish.

i could hear lily being sick in the bathroom, but i didn't have the energy for that right now. i flopped back on my bed, closing my eyes and willing emma to somehow find me. nothing. i couldn't materialise her up, i was as good as useless. i sat back up in frustration, swiping everything off my bedside table and listening to it shatter on the floor below.