it started with a follow

17

november 8, 2018

i woke up in billie's arms and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep again. i didn't want this to end. it wasn't billies fault. i was just mad and put the blame on her because i thought i had nothing else to do. i shuffle closer to her and let in a deep breath, taking in her scent for what feels like the last time.

billie: morning

madison: hi

billie: how'd you sleep

madison: it felt different

billie: why?

madison: i don't know. maybe it's cause it's not my bed

she chuckles and yawns throwing her arm around my bare waist. her eyes open and she looks down, raising her eyebrows when she finds i'm still in my bra. she was wearing a big shirt she found last night. i try to get up but she pulls me closer

billie: don't go

madison: i don't have a choice

billie: yes you do. you'll make decisions in the future this is now. make the right decision.

every single time she says that my heart wants to break. i relax in her arms and she smiles

billie: that's what i thought

madison: shut up

billie: you love me

madison: i really do. sing to me smartass

wait a minute, let me finish
i know you don't care
but can you listen?

i have never heard this song before, but i didn't say anything.

i came committed, guess i over did it
wore my heart out on a chain
around my neck but now it's missing
hmm

you said don't treat me badly
but you said it so sadly
so i did the best i could
not thinking you would have left me gladly

she goes quiet and i look at her

madison: keep going

billie: that's all i have

madison: what do you mean? there's no full song?

billie: i made it up

madison: that's beautiful

billie: thank you

madison: that song is yours?

billie: yeah

madison: sing when the party's over

billie had recently dropped a new song, and i loved it with everything in me. of course, i didn't find the time to listen to it as much as i did the month it dropped but i still love it and i always will.

don't you know i'm no good for you?
i've learned to lose you, can't afford to
tore my shirt to stop you bleeding
but nothing ever stops you leaving

she takes a breath and stops singing. i look up at her and she starts to play with my hair. her eyes were filled with sadness and although i knew there was nothing i could do to change her feeling this way, i wished there was.

quiet when i'm coming home and i'm on my own
i could lie, say i like it like that, like it like that
i could lie, say i like it like that, like it like that.