Turpentine & Vetiver

16. Erase Myself -find what you love and let it kill you- Bukowski

   A haze of threatening red light began to fill the room around them. The thunder crashed again outside, and the air was tense; thick with the smell of ozone. The door slammed shut behind them, though Thorn distinctly remembered locking it. The Red Void- is it back again? He looked over at Inky, still holding her hand. "Come on- we have to get out of here," he insisted urgently, opening the black door and pushing them both through to the outside. It slammed shut again, rattling on its hinges. "I didn't want them to see us, anyway," he muttered darkly, taking a hesitant look towards the building. An ominous crimson glow shone under the doorway, and he was certain the Red Void was contained inside. He'd left it a sacrifice of blood- both his own as well as Dani's- and he prayed it would suffice to appease the wretched hunger of the abomination.
   The rainwater poured ceaselessly above them in a thick, drowning sheet- as if a god had pulled a drain plug out of the sky. The lightning stabbed through the dark clouds, illuminating their surroundings. Inky held onto his hand tightly as they ran from the dark structure and out into the grassy field, the sound of the storm loud enough to drown out whatever chaos was happening within the building. The cold rain soaked their clothes and hair, and they ran through the tall, wet grass and into the night. Inky laughed, staring upwards into the black sky- the rain falling onto her face. Thorn watched solemnly as she held out her ink-stained hands to catch the falling rain. She didn't seem to mind being caught in the downpour; and to Thorn, it almost looked like she was enjoying it. The storm was starting to die down, the thunder only in the distance now as the rain poured down around them.
   Below the steep cliffside, the sea raged mercilessly, the sound of the water crashing against the rocks calmed his dark thoughts. Maybe we could just leave this place together- but what would be the use, the Red Void would still follow us wherever we tried to go... I don't want to run, I want to fight- and we will fight this thing together, he thought in determination. Inky turned to face him, her eyes meeting his as he stared at her through the falling rain. She shivered, though from the cold or the way he looked at her- he couldn't be sure. Her expression changed, and Thorn noticed the look in her eyes was the same as when she'd told him that she wasn't afraid of him; the same look she'd given him when she first showed up to confront him. Again he felt the same undeniable dark magnetism, knowing this time he was not mistaken by what he read in her expression.
   Thorn realized that he wanted to be with Inky more than he'd ever wanted anything his whole life, and he pulled her closer as the rain fell down around them. She made no move to pull away, instead staring up at him silently. He leaned down to kiss her, his hand gently touching the side of her cold, rain-soaked face. Inky pulled him closer with shaking hands, locking her fingers together behind his back. It's only us now, Thorn thought as they stood together under the cold rain. He felt some of the ever-present darkness slowly slipping away from his mind, and wondered if Inky was responsible for this feeling. Here- with you- things feel different... I thought at first that I was in control, but you have some strange power over me, and the thing is- with you, I don't mind. I would willingly cast myself into the void if it meant I could have one night together with you.
   It was then that Thorn realized he had been lying to himself; that he'd lied to Dani when she'd asked him if he loved Inky. Of course he did- what else could this feeling be? It was not obsession -it had evolved far beyond that- far beyond the realm of pure physical interaction; though he was enjoying that part as well. He slid his hand down over the side of her neck, feeling her pulse racing beneath his fingertips. He never imagined he'd be this close to her- deluding himself into believing she'd turn away from him and run. As he kissed her, he was reminded of the jasmine tea she was always drinking- jasmine flowers steeped in rain. Inky's hands were pressed against him tightly, as though she were desperate for their interaction to continue. Thorn broke away from her for a moment, staring at her intently, and she looked disappointed as he pulled away. I just want to be sure that you want this, too. I won't do anything you don't let me...
   He was surprised by Inky's actions when she pulled them down together in the muddy field; at first, he just stared at her in shock, grass and leaves sticking to his shirt and wet hair. Tentatively, Inky touched his face, the rain leaving black ink trails on his skin as she met his eyes silently. She peeled off her wet silk shirt, discarding the black cloth in the field nearby. The cold rain touched her bare skin, and she shivered; Thorn couldn't help but stare at her- she was so pale under the moonlight. Inky looked so self-conscious, and he wanted to reassure her there was nothing wrong- to him; she was perfect. He kissed her again, ignoring the dark thoughts in the back of his mind that told him he was unworthy of being in her presence.
   Inky held on to the front of his shirt, attempting to unbutton it awkwardly, her hands cold from the rain. Thorn hoped she wouldn't get hypothermia- it was much colder out here, however- the abomination that lurked inside the dark building was nothing he wanted to contend with. I'll keep you warm, he thought, his hands touching her cold skin almost possessively, still surprised that she'd even allowed him to touch her- let alone be the one who'd initiated their interaction. I can't stop thinking about you, about us together. Inky was so cold under the relentless downpour of the unexpected thunderstorm; her black hair was soaked and hanging in tendrils around her pale face, framing her stormcloud-colored eyes; eyes that seemed to stare right through him.
   Thorn stared back at her, absently wondering if she would avert her eyes from his intense stare as she'd done so many times before. He knew most people had found him to be profoundly off-putting; with his strange black eyes and mostly expressionless features, and was still shocked Inky had found him remotely attractive at all. This time she did not look away, and he felt her body shiver -either from the cold or being around him- it was hard to tell. He gently trailed his hands across her skin, trying to protect her from the cold; the incessant rainfall.
   She always seemed so cold- whereas he was usually overheated from the pent-up aggressive energy of his own rage and destructive thoughts. The rain continued to fall around them, soaking into the wet earth. Errant pieces of grass were stuck to their skin, and Thorn noticed they were both covered in black streaks of ink. He closed his eyes as Inky slowly traced the scars on his skin, not seeming disgusted or disturbed in the least. Unlike me- you hide your darkness- yet I see it, and it's beautiful... He felt the strange, unfamiliar loss of control again, along with a foreign feeling he could not quite put into words. The dark thoughts had vanished into the night, and all he could think about was Inky. How do you have this effect on me- it isn't supposed to be this way...or is it? This was the only time in his life he'd ever felt a connection to anyone- and the Red Void was nowhere to be found. You've forced me to actually feel something real, he thought, running his hands slowly across Inky's skin.
   The rainstorm had started to abate, though neither of them seemed to notice much- their wet clothes discarded on the grass around them, along with their fear of the void. Together, they'd found a temporary reprieve from the abomination. When I'm with you, the Red Void is meaningless- I can find an escape; even from myself. I will erase myself, reconstruct something from the destruction- something with focused determination to destroy the void and its horrors within. I know you'll help me. Inky pulled him closer as he traced his fingers along her ribcage, his other hand gently around her neck, feeling her blood race through her veins. She wasn't as cold as before, and she took a shaky breath, running her hand through his dark, rain-soaked hair. Thorn stared down at her, feeling almost shy- strangely unlike himself.
   He wasn't self-conscious about being completely naked out in the rainy field- more so that he had let his guard down finally, feeling oddly defenseless around her. It didn't matter anymore- Thorn knew he was, indeed, in love with her- and they would fight the abomination together. Maybe someday you will feel the same way about me, he thought. I'll wait- after all, I've spent my entire existence waiting for you. I love you, Inky Delaney.