The Journey Of Love (#2)

58. The sorrow

I was sitting on our bed and looking outside through the window, lost in my thoughts when Siddharth called me. I looked at him and he was combing his hair.

"Preeti can you bring the tie for me from closet?" Siddharth said while looking at me through the mirror.

Without saying anything or nodding my head, I got up from the bed and went inside the closet and choose the tie for him, matching to his business suit. This is the only way we talked each other. He deliberately forgets things and told me to bring them for him.

I forward the tie to him but he didn't make any move to take it.

"Tie this for me." He said with hope and I nodded my head blankly.

He leaned down little, I put the tie around his neck and started tying his tie. His hands automatically found their way around my waist and he pulled me to him. This is the only touch we share in a day. In past days, we haven't make love, not a single lip kiss, we don't even share a hug. Siddharth wants to do all these things to me but I pushed him away.

"Today you have a appointment with Dr. Malik right?" He asked me while I was busy tying his tie. I nodded my head without meeting his eyes.

"Okey..I will come home at lunch time. Then we will go together." He said while making small circles on my waist which were causing the spark in my whole body but I ignore them.

"Don't worry. You might be busy. I'll go with driver." I said while adjusting tie between his collar and brushed it.

He put his hand under my chin and lifted up, make me look into his deep coffee brown eyes, which was fill with hurt but care at the same time.

"If you want a space from me, I will give you that love but Please don't push me away from you and hurt yourself. It's fucking hurts to see you like that." He whispered while looking deep into my eyes, like he was talking directly to my soul.

Tears welled up in my eyes looking at him but I control them and don't let them fall from my eyes. He cupped my right cheek and we both keep looking at each other with love, care, hurt and so much emotions. We both know how much hurt we are and need each other for healing ourselves.

He leaned down and I know what is coming next. His eyes were closed and lips are just an inch away from me. My heart is beating faster and I can feel his hot breath on my lips. When his lips about to touch mine, put my both hands on his chest and turn my face on other direction.

"You might be late for office." He opened his eyes and looked at me. I saw hurt in his eyes and I swear it feel like someone stabbed directly into my heart looking so much hurt in his eyes. I want kill myself before looking that much hurt in his eyes. He straightened himself and look another direction to cover his hurt.

"I'll see you at evening. " After saying this he walked out from the room without looking back to me.

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"Well..Preeti your reports looks good and you are recovering fast. You must feel weakness but don't worry it will gone soon." Dr. Malik said while writing a medicines on prescription pad.

"I'll see you next week." Dr. Malik said while giving me the prescription.

"Thankyou Doctor." I took the prescription from him and keep it my handbag and after taking medicines I leave from the hospital with Andrew. Siddharth sent Andrew with two other body guards for my safety.

When I reached home I saw Reina di and Bua Ji was sitting in living room with Mom. They both smiled at me and I walked to them. I touched Mom's feet and Bua ji feets and she blessed me. When I was about to touch Raina Di's feet, she stopped me and took me in a hug.

"Where is Siddharth? Didn't he go with you?" Bua ji asked me  and I lowered my head in shame.

I don't know what to say to him that he wanted to come but I stopped him. I am so drawn in my own sorrow that I am pushing him away and the worst part is, I know I'm hurting him but can't stop myself hurting him and took him in a warm hug.

"He must go direct to office after dropping her here." Mom answered  bua ji's question instead of me and I feel more embarrassed because may be Mom sense my uncomfortableness when bua ji asked me question.

I asked about Krisha and Reina di told me that she is sleeping. Buja ji and di asked about me about my health and told me to take care of myself. After sometime Bua ji and Mom went inside the room and Reina di and I settled in the living room. I was fledging with my fingers while she was talking to me. I tried my best to focus on her talk but I couldn't.

"Preeti..I know this is not my place to say anything in your personal life but I can see the differences between you and Siddharth." I raised my head from my lap and looked at her when she mentioned Siddharth and mine relationship. Is that, that much obvious to everyone that something is missing between us.

"Don't look shock. Sid and your love is not hide from anyone's eyes. The way you both looked at each other with love and affection, anyone can tell how much you both love and care for eachother. But today when I went to meet him in his office, he looked off and lost and here is same goes with you." She said while putting her hand on mine.

I don't know Siddharth is going under the same condition as mine. I was so lost in my own sorrow that I ignore the pain of my Siddharth.

"I know you lost your baby and feeling miserable but he also lost his baby. Not the baby but he is slowly loosing you also. I can understand your pain because before Krisha I also lost my first baby. My condition was also miserable like you but I moved on for my husband, for my family. I lost my baby but I didn't want to loose them also. They need me, my family, my husband needed me." Reina di continue.

I don't  know she was also go through the same pain as mine. At once she was also miserable because of her loss but now she is blessed with a beautiful daughter. But she is right, I am pushing away Siddharth. I already lost my baby but don't want loose him. Tears welled up in my eyes thinking about that and I looked at her through  my teary eyes.

"Preeti we move on in our life and we have to for our love ones. Just once think about as Sid's perspective. I can't erase the image from my mind when he was crying like a baby holding your mother, when you were in ICU. First time I saw him crying him like this. At one side he lost his baby and on the other side he was about to lost his wife, his love, his life. Don't push him away Preeti. He also needs you as much as you need him. Don't let him loose you Preeti. Don't let anyone come between you and your love."

I broke into tears when morning incident reply in my mind. He wanted to kiss me, love me but I push him away. I can see the hurt in his eyes but since when I became so selfish that I ignore his hurt. He is going through the same pain but instead off consoling him, I made a distance from him. The longing in his eyes for me, I can clearly see that but I ignored it.

But no more. I want my Siddharth back. I want to love him, I want be the reason for his smile, I want to feel the warmth of his body again.

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