A Starry Night

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     Stars always reminded me of you. The way the stars light up at night like how you would light up when you smiled. I loved you, I really truly did. I think you did too, for a bit, but who knows really. I never told you, my sister did though, she told you that she loved you a few years after we had met you. I knew you loved her too, you grew to love her.

     You saw the stars in her eyes like I saw the stars in yours. You saw how she would light up at your jokes, but you never saw how I did. You never truly loved me as more than a little sister. When we met you, my sister and I, you looked at my red-haired, sky blue-eyed sister first. You were captivated by her, not by plain ordinary me.

     So I shoved my feelings away and when my sister told me that you two were dating I smiled and told her, "That's great." Inside, my heart broke a bit. A selfish part of me always wished you two would break up, that it wouldn't work out, but it didn't happen.

     One day you knocked on my door, I had moved out of my parent's house by then, and you asked, "Will you come with me? I'm going to propose to your sister, and I need your help." I was blinking back tears, trying my hardest not to get angry at my sister. It wasn't her fault, she didn't know, I never told anyone. I looked at him and forced a smile on my face, "Of course I'll help you!"

     He hugged me, "You're the best friend ever!" The word friend resonated in my mind because I knew that was all we would ever be. I gulped back more tears, "Yeah I know Sam, I know." He didn't know just how good of a friend I was.

     A few days later Gwen, my sister, came up to me. Jumping up and down, excited, happy, vibrant, beautiful. Everything he loved all inside of her, not inside of me. She told me the news, I already knew of course, "I'm engaged! SAM PROPOSED TO ME!" I gave her a huge smile because, in all honesty, I was happy for her. We celebrated that night, but once she left I had cleaned up and gone to my room. All alone, just like always, with no one who saw the stars in my eyes like I saw the stars in theirs.

     I was one of the bridesmaids on the day of the wedding. There was something like a hole in my heart through the whole thing. I felt like I was carrying a weight and I didn't know what to do. Everything was a blur. It passed in a flash and once again I was at home, all by myself. I threw myself on the bed and thought, One last cry then, then you forget him. You throw the feelings away. He's married to your sister, find someone else.

     I cried that night, gave a good cry, and thought of him that night. Until the tears didn't come when I thought of him. it was probably because I was exhausted, or maybe I had managed to hide the feeling well enough. Who knows really.

     That was a long time ago though, and I still get sad at the thought of him just a bit, but it's not as bad as before. Not when I found someone who sees the stars in my eyes.

     He's wonderful, really wonderful. We have two kids, and I come home every day to see him playing with them. I see the stars in his eyes, and he sees them in mine. I don't feel like I have a hole in my heart or a burden I have to carry anymore.

     It's wonderful, it's wonderful to see the stars in someone's eyes and for them to see the same. Starry nights, they remind me of love, every time.

I smile, "Beautiful starry nights you no longer make me sad."

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