Collecting Polaroids |Slowburn|

Chapter 38

Isla's POV

"Isla! Calm down!" Elliot exclaimed, holding my hands as I pushed against his chest.

"No! No, I can't!" I sobbed, frantically gasping in breaths of air.

"You can't what? I'm here. You're fine. Just breath. Here," he spoke, placing my hand on his chest and taking in a deep breath. I followed his breathing, trying to calm myself. I didn't care that I was staring at him, getting lost in his steely grey eyes.

"She- there was- I could've."

Elliot looked thoroughly confused as I spurted words out of my mouth. His hands were warm as they held mine and I noticed my body was shaking.

"Mon amour, you need to calm down," he said softly, pushing the hair out of my face. The locks were plastered to my skin from the cold sweat.

No matter how much I tried, I couldn't calm myself and I could tell Elliot was panicking too. He didn't know what was wrong with me. His brows furrowed in concern as he spoke, but I couldn't make out what he was saying.

I pulled my hands away from him, yanking open the side table's drawer. The pills rattled as I grabbed the bottle, shaking out two cylindrical capsules. Elliot opened his mouth to protest as I swallowed them dry, my hands shaking out of control.

"Just. Give it time." I panted, clenching my hands into fists. I caught him by surprise as I ducked under his arm, curling into a trembling ball on his lap.

It felt like hours passed before I stopped shaking and my heartbeat slowed into the normal range. Elliot shifted under me as I sat up, wrapping the blanket around my shoulder.

My body ached for some odd reason and my eyelids felt heavy, as if someone dumped a load of fatigue on me.

"You okay?" Elliot asked, holding my face in his hands so he could look at my eyes. I nodded, unable to speak.

"Mon dieu Isla, you scared me so bad," he muttered, breathing deeply as he nuzzled my hair. "Your eyes, they were so panicked and I got so worried."

"I'm sorry," I whimpered, holding him tighter.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I stared at him in confusion before he lifted the bottle of pills.

"It was after the closing gala," I muttered, cracking my knuckles. I heard him take in a breath, letting it out in a long exhale.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," he stated, a serious look crossing his face and I nodded with a meek smile.

"I had a dream," I spoke after a moments silence. "About Marleen."

I couldn't see Elliot's face as I rested my head against his chest, our legs tangled together.

"Was today..." he trailed off, realization hitting him. I nodded against his chest.

"I'm so sorry Isla. I should've known," he mumbled.

"It's alri-"

"No!" he exclaimed, pushing me away and getting up. "It's not okay! I should've known! About the anxiety and even today. I saw how you were sleepy all the time, you didn't smile as much, you even stopped baking and coming down to the common area on Fridays to play guitar. I should've known, all the signs were there. But I was too caught up with myself I didn't see it. "

"No, stop. You couldn't have," I spoke, a tear falling down my cheek. "I chose not to tell you. There was no way you could've done anything to change what happened."