I Was Yours

Tell me

Killua P.O.V

Gon and I were laying in my bed just cuddling, I could feel Gon giving me glances, I sigh and I look at him. "Yes Gon?"

"Its just-can you tell me about your past?" I sigh. Not this conversation again. It's not that I don't want to tell him, it's just I am not ready for Gon to know all that. I don't want to burden him with the knowledge of my past.

"Gon, we've talked about this, I am just not ready for you to know that stuff." Gon sighs and I can see the clear anger in his eyes. I have seen Gon slightly upset before, but these eyes show hurt and anger, and a little bit of betrayal which I find strange. And I don't quite like that look, it makes me shift uncomfortably.

"You have no trouble telling Pitou." He mumbles, but I heard him as clear as day, I and unwrap my legs from him and get off his chest I sit up straight and lean away from him as I narrow my eyes. "What's that got to do with anything?" Gon sits up straight as well and turns to me with a questioning eyebrow.

"So you admit it! You would much rather tell her everything than me!" His voice raises slightly. And I scoff.

"Pitou only knows those things Gon, because she lived through it with me! She grew up with me." My voice raises a bit as well. Gon scoffs and gives me a glare.

"Oh so that extra stuff on Illumi and Alluka is while she lived it with you?" His eyes hold a challenge. I get off the bed and stand and he does the same on the other side of the bed.

"That's different. She already knew most things! I just filled her in on one Years missed information. Which you knew!" I hiss, my hands aggressively drop out open infront of me in a questioning manner.

Gon shakes his head and gives me a humourless laugh as he folds his arms. "Yeah, but you spoke with her so easily and she asked questions relating to your past which lead to the conversation about the present."

"Yeah because she was there! She already knew all those things Gon." I say out in frustration.

"You trust her more than me!" He yells. I am taken back by his response. That's a load of bull- "And you still clearly in love with her." I gasp. I feel hurt by that comment and pissed. I start walking forward and he walks backwards. His back hits the wall.

"How dare you! I don't trust her more than you and I sure as hell don't love her anymore! For fuck sakes Freeces I love you!" My finger pokes his chest hard.

"Oh yeah!?" His face gets closer to mine.

"Yeah!" Our faces inches apart, our breathing heavy.

"Then Tell me!" He yells. I sigh and run my hands through my hair.

"Not yet Freeces, please understand." The frustration still present, but my voice much softer, I just I need him to understand.

"Please, Tell me." His voice is softer now and he looks ready to break down, but I beat him to it as tears break through and flow down my cheeks.

I shake my head and sit on the bed. "I-I am not ready for you to see me as weak, or to pity me or I don't know, but Gon please I-I am not ready." I meet his eyes. He wipes my cheeks and gives me a gentle smile.

"I could never see you as weak, I watched you beat the asses of 10 guys at heavens arena these past few months." I chuckle. "And I wouldn't pity you either. What makes you think I would react different than Pitou?" I look at my hands.

When I told Gon the story of Pitou and I, I left out the torture parts and when Gon asks about my scars, I say it was from the arena. I always thought Zushi would've told him by now.