When the morning comes

29 | Hannah

When you were legally the age to work and earn a little properly, you started working at Daniels café. He had just started it up, was young himself, had one child and needed someone for the dishes, but eventually you started taking orders and made meals yourself. You worked here everyday after school, some evenings extra and the whole Saturdays long. On Sundays you would be free, but was often found doing the extra undeclared work.

I worked as a baby sitter, and in Papà's restaurant. Most work was voluntary there, but at some point they forced me to accept the money I had deserved, according to them. It felt weird getting money doing what I loved and didn't want money for, but all that made us able to buy ourselves a home.

A temporary home, we would call it, because our dream was to eventually move to Italy, the lake house. That dream is still vivid, relevant. Still hanging somewhere in the air, but..

England had always felt like a second home. And second, for a reason. You knew that. I knew that you knew that. It made me feel guilty- just because I had different roots didn't mean I had to shoo you from your home, your roots. And yet, you understood. You had always understood me, and never uttered a word about it. A word that would hurt, or a word that would disappoint me.

You wanted to move to Italy, leave your family and friends behind just for me. I never understood, Zev, and up till today I still don't understand why you would sacrifice everything for me. It isn't like I wouldn't do the same for you- I'd sacrifice my whole life for you- but.. it's just beyond me.

I'm digging so deep in my memories, that everything just comes up, spilling shamelessly.. ruining my story that was once to follow properly. Haha, Zev.. that's just what you do to me. We've been through so much, are going through so much right now..

We bought a house in England and built up our little home. The first few weeks were so exciting, everything was new and instead of coming home to our families, we came home to each other instead. After a long college day for you, we would cook together, lighten candles and eat at the table together, our hands entangled.

Mostly, our evenings, when you weren't working, were spent on the couch, in our pajamas, under a blanket. We would talk, play games, sing, or you would write and read it out loud to me. We would fall asleep late and when one of us needed to leave in the morning, it was a tough time for the both of us.

Then the moment came where we both had been waiting for. After a few months, I tried to speak about children. I thought you wouldn't want it- you were in your last year of college and despite us having enough money to come around, Teddy Wood gifting us money out of nowhere sometimes- a child was rather expensive and we weren't sure if we could come around then.

"Don't you think it's too early?" I had asked, insecure about my own thoughts. It'd been my dream to become a young mother, but even when we had talked about it before, I'd never knew your real thoughts on it.

"No, amore." You had said, cuddled up against me on the couch. "Children are beautiful. Can you imagine you and me both, mixed? A tiny baby, ours fully?"

"Goes beyond me sometimes.. to think of that." You were tired, I laid your head down onto my lap. We stared in each others eyes. I saw the warmth in your gaze when the mention of children came. "Do you think we are stable, financially, to..?"

"I think we would be alright. Just a couple of months, amore. I'll be done with school and can take the offer to become an English teacher at this school here. From then on, we can only earn. And you would be pregnant for nine months, yeah." Your hands were placed on my cheeks, you gently pulled my face down and we kissed.