"We gon find you a therapist."
"Why? So she or he can tell me I'm this and that and dope me up on antidepressants or sum shit? When I can go get high and be numb? Yeah fuck that." I opened my drink taking a couple sips
"Sai, Sum people do the job they're paid to do. You need to get this shit out cause what if the next time somebody too late.. if I didn't stop you she wouldn't even be breathing right now."
"My nigga ain't you a RN go save her."
"Bitch, what the fuck you think I was doing having a staring contest?"
"Sach I don't know why but I haven't been there in a couple years. And everytime I think of him I just see him.." my breath caught in my throat and I felt like I was gon puke. "I keep seeing him in the pool of blood. I still feel the pain from that day like it happened yesterday. The last thing I told him.." I sniffled looking down, "I told him I hated him and wish he wasn't my dad.. what if he died thinking I didn't love him? Or appreciate him for the shit he did." I bit the inside of my cheek to fight the tears. "He was the first person I loved. The first person to teach my worth. Showed me how a man was supposed to treat me. And I told him allat shit cause he was tryna warn me about Adonis.."
"His death wasn't a suicide.." Sachie damn near whispered. "They never found his killer but if you ask me.." she sighed "never mind."
I looked up at her and she wiped my face. "No, you don't think.."
She nodded and smiled sadly.
I nodded going out to my car. Yes a bad bitch can drive Shout out to Dre stupid ass. He a real one.
I got in my car starting it up hooking my phone up and going to You and I by Keke and Avant cause my mom and Dad used to love that shit.
After hours of just riding around I found myself in the parking lot of my daddy's grave. I took a deep breath and put on my big girl panties. Getting out the car I walked over to his tombstone running my index finger across each letter of his name. Before sitting down next to it.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I didn't see it. I'm sorry I left you angry and never told you how much you meant to me. Thank you for making me the woman I am today. Thank you for never letting me give up my dreams... I'm sorry I let that stupid ass boy make me think y'all never loved me. Why'd you leave us?" My voice cracked and I tried my hardest to hold them tears in but they came out anyways. "I miss your laugh and hugs the most. I miss crying to you about stupid shit.. you made everything feel important I promise to never let anybody come at you crazy I will defend you as long as I got breath in me. I just wish I could go back and I'd been the one they took. I know that's stupid but after you left us I didn't care about shit for years. I didn't even care about myself.. I stayed in that meaningless relationship because it was the only normal thing for me. It was exhausting but when I was alone I thought about you and I kept visualizing you laying there non-responsive cold looking at me.. I just want you to know that I love you. I loved you then.." I felt a breeze and I smiled kissing my index and middle fingers I pressed them against his tombstone getting up.. I seen my grandma walking up with Flowers and she smiled at me.
"Hey my baby. Haven't seen you here in a while. How you been Sai?" She hugged me wiping my tears the kissed the top of my head.
"I've been okay, you?"
She squinted at me shaking her head. "You forgetting I know you Saiyr. You holding onto hella hurt. Let it go baby." She smiled again. "Sum boy was watching you so just let me know if you want me to walk back with you."
