Cobain and Static

I'm Going Through With It

I mean, I have to, don't I? She's finally gone too far. 'He was an addict, you're not going to associate with people like that!' Oh yeah? Dad used to drink like a fish, should I stop associating with him? Kit and Johnny both smoke, so does Emmett, should I cut them out? Should I ditch every person in my life that's had an addiction? Should I ditch Megan just because she had a problem with weed? Well guess what, Mom? I am ditching someone. I'm ditching you. I'll go live with El, or Fletcher, or maybe even Zeke, they'll support me. They won't be disappointed in me, and you'll never have to be disappointed in me again. Don't try to call me, don't follow me, I'm fine without you. You're the one I'm going to stop associating with.

This was the mindset I was in when I shut my bedroom door that night. The night that I gave up on trying to fix other people. The night that I gave up on my mom. It was one of the rare nights that I just gave in and let the static take control. The static has always been there, but I only became fully aware of it when I started high school. It's only taken control of me a few times. It's like my brain goes silent, and I'm in a daze until it goes away. That's what happened that night. I don't remember much of what I did after I shut my door, all I know is I found a tiny piece of metal, and I went to school the next day with a gash on my leg, and static in my head.

"Hey guys." I whispered, sitting down in my usual seat at the back of the bus.

Lark and Rio both smiled at me. I put my headphones in, Dave Yaden playing the piano to signal the intro to "Stay Away from My Friends," and just sat there until the next stop, when Tori got on. Tori is one of those people that can light up a room before she even walks in, and I'm proud to say she's one of my best friends. I can talk to her about absolutely anything, and she always knows just what to say. She can also always tell when something's wrong, and doesn't put up with my lying and hiding. I took out one headphone as she sat down next to me. She looked at me and frowned.

"Rian, what's wrong?" She sounded worried.

I responded by letting the tears spill over and roll down my face. She just wrapped her arms around me. When I finally pulled myself together, I told her about what had led to the fight. I had been with my dad the day before, like I was every Wednesday, and I bought a Cobain shirt. I was really excited to get it, but I knew my mom would be mad about it, so I paid for it myself to keep my dad out of it. I then continued to worry about it the rest of the evening, but I've gotten pretty good at hiding, well, everything from my family, so my dad didn't notice. That's as much as I managed to say before I felt sick.

I put my other headphone back in and let Vic Fuentes scream in my ears.

Stay away from my friends

'Cause I need them to carry me when it's over

I'll count back from ten

And you can listen to something that you've never heard before

But you don't know what it's like

To wake up in the middle of the night

Scaring the thought of kissing razors

This blood evacuation is telling to cave in

Just stay away from my friends

When the four of us got in the building, Astha joined our crew. By the end of the hallway, Josie allied with our guild. We marched to the cafeteria, which is where Rio and Lark went on their own path. I bought two Mello Yellos and a Powerade, and we walked to the main staircase, where Josie split off from us. We walked into the lobby, El and Troye joined our campaign. They were both sitting in a window bench, and for some reason, when I saw Troye, I was a little relieved that I wouldn't be the only boy sitting there. Tori sat down on the floor in front of El, and Astha sat on the floor next to her. I crawled up on the windowsill behind El and Troye.