Lay Me Down

28. Body of Christ.

{Kadee}

Kadee stood at the second-floor window in the church foyer watching cars and SUVs pull into the parking lot while the sound of Kurtis and the worship team practicing came faintly from behind the closed doors of the sanctuary. For the hundredth time this morning, she smoothed her hair over her shoulder, tiny butterflies jumping in her stomach. She felt warm and uncomfortable standing in the church foyer with her mind full of the things she'd done with Kurtis in his pickup the night before. She had shampooed twice and used that foamy, orange-scented body wash and dotted her favourite vanilla perfume on her wrists and throat, but she thought she could still smell him on her.

She adjusted the hem of her blouse, touching the high mandarin collar. Everything she'd chosen to wear today said modesty—her straight, unadorned hair, loose slacks, and white collared blouse. Even her underwear was plain cotton—not that anyone was going to discover that today.

She felt as fake as the china doll holding up a waving hand beside the till in the sushi restaurant her friends liked. How many hands had rubbed that doll on the way by for luck? She could shower all she wanted. She still felt grubby and smeared with fingerprints.

She really needed to tell Kurtis she wanted to slow down. She needed to say it in a way that was beautiful and loving and firm, so he would understand. There were definitely moments when she had enjoyed herself ... more than just moments. But this grungy, guilty feeling afterward was her least favourite thing right now.

Pastor Pete's van pulled into his reserved parking spot beside the door, and her heart gave a little bounce in spite of herself. She was way over Jon White. Totally ... almost.

Jon's two little sisters jumped out of the van, looking adorable in their dresses. Jon didn't follow. Instead, she saw his friend duck his dark head and follow Pete up the walk. Cary was seriously underdressed in his grey T-shirt and black jeans, and where were Jon and his mom?

Curious, Kadee positioned herself to watch the door that opened into the foyer from the main stairway. Cary hadn't been to church since the morning he'd been found, and she hadn't really talked to Jon since the night they'd driven all over Strathcona looking for him.

Jon's sisters skipped through the doors and made a beeline for the Sunday school rooms where there were toys and crafts. Cary hesitated in the doorway, checking out the room. Kadee pursed her lips. She'd never really looked at Cary before—he wasn't exactly the kind of guy you wanted to catch you staring. He was almost as tall as Kurtis, and broader—she could see the shape of his wide, bony shoulders under the fabric of his T-shirt. He needed a new wardrobe and a haircut—his thick, dark hair curled over his ears and covered his eyes.

As she watched, an elderly woman with a walker came up behind him, and he jumped like she'd tasered him and got out of the way.

Kadee crossed the carpet to rescue him. "Hey—hi. You look a little lost." She angled her body so she could see his eyes under his thick mess of hair. "I'm Kadee."

He looked sideways at her, and his eyes narrowed. Sweet baby Jesus, those eyelashes! She paid real money to get her lashes to look that thick and dark. How unfair was that?

"I'm not lost." His voice was different than she'd imagined, soft and frayed like her favourite jeans. He was still giving her that narrow-eyed look, and she found herself a little intimidated. She decided to play like she didn't know anything.

"So I haven't seen you here before. Are you new?"

His eyebrows lifted, and he didn't say anything until she was completely uncomfortable.

"I been here before," he said, finally. "How come you dropped Jon?"

Her mouth opened, and she made a little sound. "I did not 'drop' Jon."