Every Rose

2

"Maybe I do want another one" she says, and I stop to think about it.

Being pregnant was a life changing experience; growing another human, feeling him kick and move and grow as each day went on, it was an irreplaceable feeling.

And seeing his face for the first time, his sweet little face, I fell in love for the very first time.

"Maybe I do too" I sigh "maybe I do too"

~

"Tell me about Sofia" I'd asked, later in the afternoon, when we were laid back on the couch watching Real Housewives. I loved watching her eyes light up when she talked about her daughter, and if I was going to be hanging out with her at Arizona's, I might as well have some conversation starts.

Six year olds could be tough.

"Well" Arizona smiles, thinking for a moment, and I could practically see her rifling through all the different things she could say to pick the best one; the best of all these wonderful things about Sofia. "She's smart, like freakishly smart. She loves to read, she loves finding out different words. She's always asking me what different words mean" she tells me, her eyes twinkling joyfully.

"She definitely didn't get that from Mark" I snort "and she looks just like Callie. So I'm guessing, she got that from you"

"I loved reading as a kid. I always read to her when she was a baby; Mark played music for her, but I insisted on stories; she loved them" She recalls, nostalgia evident in her tone "it's crazy how big they get, and so quickly. I blinked, and she was six"

"Christopher would be nearly four now" I muse, feeling sad that I never got to see him grow. "It sucks. Knowing he won't get any older, knowing that he never got to know me, and I never got to know him" I didn't know anything about him, despite him being my baby. I knew his birthday, his weight, his height, everything.

But I didn't know anything about him. Because he was taken from me too soon.

"I can't imagine the pain you go through on a daily basis; it sounds unbearable. If we'd lost Sofia..." she trails off, and then clears her throat before continuing "well, I can't think about that"

"I think if I had another one, I'd like to adopt" I didn't want to go through childbirth again, really; it hurt, and besides, I wanted to be a Mom; I didn't just want to be pregnant.

"Me too" she agrees, nodding her head "There are so many babies that need parents" she tells me "like Zola. She's an amazing kid; she needed parents, and Meredith and Derek were the best parents"

Derek.

I pictured Derek smiling, holding Zola proudly as she grinned a gummy smile beside him.

I pictured Derek holding Bailey for the first time, a picture I'd seen on the mantle.

"He never got to be the best Dad for very long, but he was still the best. The kids adore him" I say softly "he won't get to be the best uncle to my children, and as much as that sucks, I know he would've loved any kid I ever have"

"Sofia adored him" Arizona smiles, and it brings a small smile to my face as well.

"Tell me more about her" I urge, wanting to change the topic so I could distract my mind. "What's her favourite colour?"

"Well" Arizona smiles "she's obsessed with purple right now, but her second favourite is yellow. She always reminds me of that, whenever we're at the store and whatever she wants to get isn't available in purple" She chuckles, her dimples making me sprout from a smile, to a grin.

"She sounds like she has quite the attitude" 

"Oh she does" Arizona agrees with me quickly, still laughing "she's my little diva. She loves to dress up in dresses and skirts, but she hates tights, so she always wears leggings underneath instead"

"Tights aren't cool?" I ask with a laugh, and Arizona shrugs.

"I dunno, I guess not" she answers, and I wonder why Callie would ever want to leave her. She's beautiful; inside and out, in every way possible, she was gorgeous.

"I'm excited to meet her. I miss Zola, it'll be nice to have a little buddy to hang out with again" I respond, changing the topic slightly.

"Sofia misses Zola too; she keeps asking when they're coming back. But nobody knows" she sighs in defeat, and my face falls too.

"I haven't heard from her. Nobody has but Alex; she swears they're all okay" I sigh along with her, suddenly riddled with worries about my sister in law and my niece and nephew.

"Meredith is a smart person" Arizona smiles, reaching out to hold my hand "she's smart, and she loves her kids. She just needs time" she reassures me, and I feel a little better.

"Thank you" I smile "for everything. Thank you" I didn't know what else to say; I felt like I should've said more, but at the same time I didn't know what.

"For you, anytime Amelia"