Every Rose

1

"Derek's dead" was the first thing I said when I saw her. I was outside of Derek and Meredith's dream house, Meredith and the kids were missing, and I didn't know what to do.

She'd approached me from seemingly out of nowhere; though, I was too caught up with my own thoughts to really notice anything else.

"I know" she says, nodding her head solemnly "are you alright, Amelia?" Of course she stopped by to check on me; I was a nutcase. I couldn't be left alone; everybody worried about me going postal. 

But they weren't wrong. Not exactly.

"Not really" I chuckle darkly "I've got coke on the kitchen table, I bought an 8 ball, because the addict in me couldn't resist" I say bitterly "and I'm dying inside, he's dead and I don't know how to function in a world without him, and I want to make it all just go away" I confess, breaking down into sobs.

"Oh Amelia" she says, opening her arms and pulling me in; she rubbed my back and played with my hair as I cried into her shoulder, feeling like a piece of me had died along with Derek.

"You're going to be okay, darling. Pretty things don't break easily" she tells me, her steady heartbeat and the rhythm of her breathing calming me down.

"I don't know what to do" I whisper, and she sighs sadly.

"I know baby, I know" and while I wouldn't normally accept being called 'baby' by anybody, when she said it I didn't mind. It was comforting; she was comforting.

"The universe sucks" I murmur, not wanting to break away from her embrace quite yet "life's a bitch".

"Life does suck" she agrees "but you know what would make the world a little brighter?" She asks, positivity in her voice as she attempted to cheer me up.

"What?" I sniff in response.

"Flushing all that coke down the toilet. Won't that make the world just a little bit better?" She asks, and I sigh.

"No" I reply, the thought of flushing the drugs making me cringe. Even though I didn't want to snort it, I was still an addict, and watching that much coke go down the drain was painful.

"Yes" Arizona declares "come on angel, we'll go do that. And then we can sit and watch a movie, how's that sound?" She's babying me, but I don't mind.

"Yeah, okay" I say hesitantly, pulling away from our hug to head inside. Never in my life would I have predicted that this would end with me flushing an 8 ball down the toilet.

"That's the spirit" she smiles, and I feel a surge of pride. Her smile was gorgeous, and I liked seeing it, especially when I was the one who put it there.

When we got inside, she immediately saw the bag on the table and picked it up.

"I've never seen coke in person before; this doesn't look like a whole lot" she muses, walking to the bathroom, as I follow behind her.

"Well it's enough" I shrug, standing next to her in front of the toilet. "I normally go for oxy, but I couldn't get any on short notice" I explain, knowing that if I had of used my own prescription pad, I would've gotten fired regardless of if I took them or not.