The Girl I Loved Once

Chapter 37

It's raining outside, the rain that makes the snow from Christmas get all slushy. I'm sitting on my bed when my phone charging on my desk across the room started buzzing and ringing. I roll off my bed to answer it and flip the phone over to see the caller ID, and my heart skips a beat. It's Lara Jean, I think to myself. I can't turn the TV off fast enough.

"Lara Jean, thank god!" I say, "I've been hoping you would call me."

"Hello?" a voice answers back, a voice that I don't recognize.

"Who is this?" I ask.

"It's Kitty, Lara Jean's little sister."

"Oh," I say, masking the disappointment in my voice. "Hey Kitty, what's up, are you ok?" "I'm fine, but Lara Jean isn't. She's been in a permanent state of overreaching happiness since she got home from the ski trip, which I suspect is denial."

"Oh."

"And she's been spending all her energy planning this Christmas party, and I see you're not on the guest list! Proving my suspicions that something happened between you two."

"You're a smart kid."

"So, the stickers on my tests say. Now, if I invite you to this Christmas party, you won't cause a scene and ruin it, will you?"

"I'll try. When is it?"

"This Friday at 7. Bring a dessert." She says I write it down on a piece of loose-leaf paper.

"I'll see you, Kitty, thanks."

She hangs up the phone. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. This is the big romantic gesture that I need!

I practically fly down the stairs and get my car keys. "Mom!" I yell. "Where's the recipe for fruit cake cookies? I'm going to the store."

************** I take a deep breath, fresh-baked fruit cake cookies in my hand (which was wrapped in a bandage covering a burn I got. I'm not a baker). The door was open, and I walk in. "You came!" Someone yells. At first, I think its Lara Jean, but then Kitty comes running towards me with her arms wide. I put the cookie tin down and pick her up, swinging her around as she squealed and laughed. I put her down and pick up the cookie tin. "What's that?" she asks.

"Fruit cake cookies!"

"Oh." She says, taking me by the hand and pulling me over to Lara Jean. She was wearing a red and green plaid dress and a big green bow in her hair.

She looks like an adorable Christmas gift. I think. "Look what Peter brought!" Kitty squeals. She pushes me towards a very startled Lara Jean. "Here, Fruit cake cookies my mom made."

"What are you doing here?" She asks accusingly in a whisper. "The kid invited me," I say, gesturing towards a very excited Kitty. "We need to talk," I say.

"We don't have anything to talk about." She says.

I grab her by the elbow, my heart somewhat shattered. She tries to shake me off, but I don't let go. I steer her into an empty kitchen.

"I want you to make up and excuse to Kitty and leave. And take your cookies with you." She says, shoving the tin in my chest.

"First, tell me why you're so pissed," I say "Because!" Shey responds, a little too loudly, "Everyone is saying how we had sex in the hot tub, and I'm a slut, and you don't even care."

"I told the guys we didn't!"

"Did you? Did you tell them that all we did was kiss, and that's all we've ever done?" I begin to open my mouth, but she keeps going. "Or did you say 'Guys we didn't have sex in the hot tub' wink wink nudge nudge"?

I wince. "Give me a little more credit than that, Covey."

"You're such a scumbag, Kavinsky." A voice says from the doorway. Its Josh Sanderson. I roll my eyes.

Good Lord, give me the patience not to pound this douche.

"It's your fault people are saying that crap about Lara Jean. She'd never do that."

Every bone in my body wants to grab this guy by the collar and stuff his head in the garbage can. But then I remember my promise to Kitty, and I take a deep breath.

"Keep your voice down." Lara Jean says. I can feel my jaw twitching. "This is a private conversation, Josh, between me and my girlfriend. Why don't you go play World of Warcraft or something? Or maybe there's a Lord of the Rings marathon on TV."

"Fuck you, Kavinsky," Josh says. I almost laugh.

"Lara Jean, this is exactly what I've been trying to protect you from. He's not good enough for you. He's bringing you down."

I stiffen. "Get over it! She doesn't like you anymore. It's over, move on!" I say, finally. Josh looks like he's about to burst into tears or go for my neck.

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Whatever, dude. She told me you tried to kiss her. You try that again, and I'm kicking your ass."

He lets out a short laugh. "Go ahead." I move towards him with intent, when Lara Jean, who I honestly kind of forgot was there, grabs my arm. "Stop it!" she says. I do. I glance at the door and see Lara Jean's sister, Margot, in the doorway with her hand over her mouth. The tension in my chest dissolves, and now I feel guilty.

Oh, God, what did I do?

"It's not true, is it?" Margot says. Lara Jean opens and closes her mouth. "How could you!"

"Margot," Josh starts, but she cuts him off. "Get out," she says. Then she turns to Lara Jean. "You're my sister. The person I trust more than anybody."

"Gogo, wait-"

But Margot is out the door. There are tears sprinkled in Lara Jean's eyes, and I'm not sure what to do, so I just kind of stand there.

"I'm so sorry," Josh says. "This is all my fault." He walks out of the back door. I move to put my arms around Lara Jean, but she pushes me away. "Can you just.... can you just go?" I nod and walk out the way Josh left. It took me getting in the car to realize I forgot my jacket and my cookie tin.